Alexis Bellino is one of God’s gifts to the universe, despite the fact the cast of The Real Housewives of Orange County are desperate to give her back. Truly, Jesus Jugs has captivated audiences with her unstoppable ability to ruin a comeback, setting herself ablaze in ever-growing glory.
The Orange County reunion episodes continue to be a top-tier coda to a season that proves the Housewives franchise is still as strong as ever. It’s the kind of reunion that’s just a cacophony of chaos, the perfect white noise to put on for a couch nap.
It’s the perfect mix of salty and sweet, as Jenn finally sheds her impervious skin and goes in on the right couch, Katie faces the wrath of a thousand suns, and Shannon finds her voice just in time to eradicate Alexis. The sweet part? Well, that we all get to watch.
Jenn’s doe-eyed ignorance is the most effective antidote against the stank Heather/Tamra duo yet, somehow. You can’t pop her love bubble with facts, nor can you make Jenn look stupid. She’ll smile through life’s worst moments and post a little millennial ditty on her Instagram, and it will be a good day.
That’s why Heather’s icy concern for Jenn doesn’t land. Jenn isn’t even concerned for herself—and she’s got the support of Shannon, a woman who knows a thing or two about caping for the worst men imaginable, and Katie, who’s apparently a pathological liar.
Jenn is stumbling into a reunion success by mere happenstance. Tamra is neutralized thanks to a sloppy Watch What Happens Live accusation against Ryan that scored her a “cyst & deceased,” and her scattered attacks have left her entirely unreliable.
Sure, Ryan did call Eddie gay and claim Tamra’s in a lavender marriage, and yes, he’s clearly shady at best and criminally liable at worst (allegedly… do not send me a cease and desist). But now he has a little army of social media warriors who hate Tamra more than they love the inconvenient truth, and he’s attached to the fan favorite Housewife.
On defense, Tamra concedes to Jenn’s narrative, allowing Malibu Barbie to gag her again and again. Suddenly, we have rumors of Eddie sleeping in the casita and all Tamra can do is shrug. She has lost and retreated, and the Tamra that emerges will either be the most Hellish demon to exist, or she’ll be pint-sized, baptized, and highly prized once again.
It’s so bad for her that Tamra pulls out the reveal that she’ll be starting therapy the next day. We do know how that first session went, too. It’s the infamous session that led Tamra to come out as autistic, which she retracted when she learned you actually can’t get a diagnosis from one 40-minute Zoom call, leading the fans to hate her even more. She should partner with Vicki Gunvalson’s #KillAllCancer next season. I think that could finally win the fans back!
Meanwhile, Jenn puts Heather on the ropes. Calling someone a “historical friend” is such Heather verbiage that it’s funny she even denies it. She should be proud her lexicon is so well-studied that it’s obvious when someone’s quoting her accurately or not, even if it gets her in trouble. And that example is proof positive of what we already know, that Tamra and Heather are convenient allies, not true friends. Of course, so are Jenn and Katie… but that’s a story for another day.
I mean, is Heather checking the price tag on Jenn’s Neiman’s dress a little mean? Sure. But Heather has every right to be gossipy on a show about gossip, and furthermore, Jenn should be raked over the coals for reckless spending amid a financial crisis. Katie almost makes it worse for Jenn by trying to turn the situation on Heather. Seriously, take the loss ladies. You’ve already scored so many wins. If there were ever reason to believe the winning team will shortly topple, look no further.
Katie’s whole aura is pretty interesting. She has emerged from the reunion with effectively one friend and a horde of enemies, which isn’t at all what I would’ve expected watching the season itself. The babysitter drama was a poor way to end the season as a newbie, since now Katie and her daughter Kaili are being painted as liars, with little evidence to the contrary.
It’s been a while since we had an RHOC kid who is Brianna Gunvalson-ing herself in the drama, so by all means, keep it up Kaili. Post another TikTok about your mom’s weird coworkers. Did you hear that Gina allegedly pushed Travis down the stairs? Make a video about that!
But seeing how aghast the entire cast is at Kaili’s TikTok, it’s not looking great for Katie’s future. They would simply lose their minds if they had to deal with the New Jersey kids, which, to be fair, is the rational response to spending time with literally any of them not named Milania Giudice.
Finally, Alexis emerges in a dress tackier than the one she wore to the “tacky” themed finale party to set the record straight after a season of rumors and nastiness. Although she was coached backstage by Tamra not to act as John’s mouthpiece, Alexis simply knows no other way. She was made from his rib, after all. Maybe her primitive worldviews are why she dressed like a glammed-up cavewoman.
Before she’s put in the oven and set to 450, Alexis is thrown a little bone from Andy. She finally gets to discuss how her son coming out as trans helped her grow in acceptance for the LGBTQ+ community, and how that blossomed her friendship with Heather. This season only had room for villain Alexis, and her one-note performance made that abundantly easy, but in turn, her ties to Heather were painted in broad strokes all year. It’s almost surprising to hear they’re super close when we’ve just never seen that. Maybe we never will.
Once the conversation shifts to Shannon vs. Alexis, it’s game over for Jesus Jugs. As soon as she touts the “strange relationship with the truth” line, Alexis lights a fire inside Shannon that carries the episode home. The two relitigate the Jim Bellino lawsuit to disastrous effect, burying Alexis in her own incompetence.
And yet, entering the reunion with a doubled-down belief in the evil of Shannon Beador is the exact kind of gusto that propelled this season to icon status. She is a firestarter who elevates everyone in her presence through sheer annoyingness. The argument over Shannon replacing Alexis and Alexis returning as a mere “friend” is riveting, and it’s such a rush to watch Shannon win a war of words.
“I took your job 10 years ago. I’m still sitting here,” is simply the gag of the century. Alexis may have stolen Shannon’s boyfriend, but Shannon stole her job—and that still stings a decade later. The show robbed us of a true 1-on-1 post-premiere that hid that Shannon vs. Alexis is the best OC feud in years. Don’t rob us further, when an Alexis wedding season could bless us with an even higher peak for the revitalized Orange County.
I’m well-aware Alexis has likely tanked her return, but next week, has one final chance to make or break her future. It’s certainly a more enticing prospect than Gina’s relationship, and God knows her orange is enshrined in the Constitution, at this point.
