The Curse has taken us back to Iosheka Jeans. Am I having a fever dream? I feel like, everywhere I look, there’s Iosheka Jeans. We cannot escape Iosheka Jeans.
In the series’ ninth and penultimate episode, HGTV exec Martha (GiGi Erneta) is visiting the set of Fliplanthropy, where Janice (Aliyah Lee) and Pascal (Alexander Adrian Gibson)—the couple who “purchased” (or rather, acted like they were purchasing) the passive home—are trying on jeans. They do a bit where Janice helps Pascal zip up his jeans, a suggestive pose that Martha and Dougie (Benny Safdie) get a kick out of. Hilarious! What if, Martha suggests, Dougie could film this scene with Asher (Nathan Fielder) and Whitney (Emma Stone) instead?
When Whitney arrives on set, Dougie confronts her with some news about Fliplanthropy. HGTV doesn’t like the new direction they’ve taken—one that brazenly paints Asher as the antagonist in Whitney’s life—because the network is worried that Asher and Whitney might actually break up. Whitney is surprised, even disappointed; she liked this new direction. Dougie, however, admits it may have been a mistake. After all, celebrity divorce is more interesting when people are actually, y’know, famous. It would help if Asher and Whitney could actually get the show off the ground before they stir the pot too much.
Whitney breaks off the conversation when she sees Asher arrive. Asher isn’t ready to be buddy-buddy with Whitney. He goes to the coffee shop, which worries Whitney, because that’s where gun-slinging Fernando (Christopher D. Calderon) works—he might still be angry at them after their futile conversation last week.
But before they can get into it, Tonya (Samantha Ashley) from the production team pulls Whitney aside. Patrick has been let go from the crew, she says, after he left an “inappropriate” note on Whitney’s car. Whitney demands to see the note; it just says “SLUM LORD.” These two go back and forth: Whitney wants to call Patrick, Tonya says that’s not a great idea, Whitney wants to allow Patrick to express himself and come back to set, Tonya says he doesn’t want to talk to her.
The whole thing ends with Whitney finding out Patrick is upset because Phoebe (Lejend Yazzie)—a driver with the Fliplanthropy crew—had an uncle that was kicked out of the Bookends apartment building, which is run by Whitney’s parents. Whitney tells Phoebe that she has no relationship to the building, but in the same breath, she admits that she’ll be able to fix the situation. Despite this oxymoron, Phoebe breaks down in tears and tells Whitney she’s always been an inspiration: “I can’t wait for this show to come out,” Phoebe weeps. “Everyone will get to see who you really are.”
But who is she? Whitney literally Google searches herself after this interaction. “Whitney Siegel” results in a handful of links on her architecture. Then, she tries her maiden name, “Whitney Rhodes,” which attaches her to more incriminating stories about the Bookends apartments. Whitney zooms in on a photo of herself at the opening of the affordable housing lot. She’s obsessed with her public image. Did she only marry Asher so she could distance herself from her parents’ last name?
Well, if Whitney wants Fliplanthropy to continue, she’s going to have to sort her relationship out with Asher. She finds him at the coffee shop, where she offers to take him bowling as a date. He won’t answer, so she gives him 10 seconds—like a damn child!—to make up his mind. As she counts down, Asher jumps in: “You love me, right?” Now it’s Whitney who won’t answer and Asher who counts down. They talk over each other with these demeaning countdowns. Ultimately, Asher agrees to bowling and Whitney never says “I love you.”
We get a happy little rom-com moment when they go bowling—Asher lifts Whitney up on his shoulders, he kisses the ground after a strike, they’re smiley and in love. Then, here comes Bill (David DeLao) from the casino. Bill apologizes for giving Asher the cold shoulder the other day, blaming his lack of interest on the fact that he initially thought Asher was the one who ratted the casino out to the press when it was actually Carl. Whitney gives Asher a look. She wants him to say something, but what? Asher admits he was the one who leaked the casino info. Did he say the right thing? No way to know. Whitney slides her hand onto his back and guides him out of the bowling alley. At least he hasn’t earned a lecture from her—maybe he did do something right.
Then, the couple heads to dinner with Martha, who applauds everything Whitney and Asher are doing for the environment. Martha seems to be interested in…more gentrification? She hints at wanting to show how much Whit and Ash are giving a “voice” to the Española community, which was “bleak” without them. Dougie piggybacks off of this—what if the network changes the title to Green Queen, which would show how much Whitney is a leading member of the neighborhood?
“And every queen needs her jester,” Martha says, eyeing Asher, who shows his agreement by pretending to juggle balls. “And maybe an heir to the throne some day, too,” Martha adds, leaving Whitney visibly uncomfortable and quieter than usual.
After Whitney and Asher head home, Whit sits on the bed while Ash heads to the bathroom. She can hear him mumbling to himself, something about Bill. Then, as she takes a step closer to the door, she can make out what he’s really saying—he’s redoing his argument with Bill, making himself sound more confident, eager to reveal the truth. Then, he starts fighting Bill in this made-up conversation, telling Bill he’s worthless because he’d never be able to secure a wife like Whitney: “She’s so fucking hot and you’re so fucking ugly, Bill. I’d like to see you fuck the shit out of her.” He goes even further with this, saying he’d love to see Whitney and Bill having sex. Sure, sure.
Whitney doesn’t address that situation, but she does want to figure out what’s going on with Phoebe’s uncle. She pulls up to Bookends, the place she totally has absolutely no connection to, where all of the staff knows her name and greets her with a hug. No relation. None!
Then, she gets into a tiff with her parents. They had to evict Phoebe’s uncle because he gutted their apartment, selling everything online. But they have insurance, Whit argues, so who cares! Well, her parents shoot back, if she’s so obsessed with how things work at Bookends, she should come in and decide who to evict and who to house. She should make the rules. The people Whitney is displacing with her houses are moving into Bookends, anyways.
That whole situation leaves Whitney stressed. She heads to the masseuse for a little pick me up. Whitney can’t believe her eyes when she sees who will be massaging her—it’s Cara (Nizhonniya Austin). She’s “rethinking her life for a bit.” Whitney feels awkward about both having Cara massage her and stripping down to her tighty whities (you could call her a tighty whitey), so she cancels her appointment and tips Cara $350 for her troubles. At this point, Whitney is literally just throwing bundles of money at Cara.
Whitney has to release her stress somehow, so she settles on working out with her rowing machine at home. I, frankly, am shocked that this woman does not own a Peloton! Asher interrupts her workout to discuss the new contract from HGTV. Why is the only new addition state that the participants of the show have to be okay with being ridiculed? Whitney won’t answer, but Asher won’t back down. Finally, Whitney releases all her anger—fine! Time to go to Dougie’s and watch the first cut. That’ll answer Asher’s question.
They hop on the bed in Dougie’s hotel room, shoes on, Whitney quiet and Asher curious as to what they’re about to see. Dougie grins. He’s living for this drama. He presses play.
Everything happens at once, so a few highlights: In the opening scene, Whitney calls Española “my city” in the narration, and then almost immediately dives into a land acknowledgement. Whitney tells the camera that Asher has been taking comedy classes and Asher, while watching the cut, is upset about this confession. There is a lot going on, and not just on-screen.
They reach the part that HGTV wanted to cut, and Dougie is ready to stop there. Whitney, however, isn’t done. It’s imperative that Asher sees the pottery section, where Whitney goes on record about how upset she is with Asher for pressing his phone to a piece of art while passing it to a buyer. It does feel out of place with the rest of the episode. It’s funny, but HGTV was right.
But then, it keeps going. We see how Dougie edited those confessionals he filmed, where Whitney and Asher opened up about each other. Whitney cannot stop talking about how often she questions her relationship in times like these. Asher annoys her, constantly kissing the ground she walks on. Cut to: Asher, who praises and praises Whitney in his confessional. He couldn’t live life without her. He digs his thumbnails into his palm as he talks about his wife. The episode wraps.
Asher is upset. He’s sweating. He leaves the room, slamming the door on the way out. But then he comes back, and it’s clear he’s worked up. He wants this in the final cut, but Dougie says no. So then, he goes head-to-head with Whitney. The curse isn’t the problem, he admits—he is. He’s a bad person. He’s the real curse. He’s shaking, he’s shouting, he’s grinning; Nathan Fielder is going all in on this scene. Whitney is so confused as he goes off inches from her face, her eyes welling up.
None of what she said in her confessionals turned him off, to Whitney’s shock. No, Asher is more committed to this relationship than ever—he loves Whitney, and she loves him too; he knows it.
“The world will know Whitney Siegel,” Asher says.
Dougie, stunned, speaks for all of us: “That was beautiful.” What the hell is going to happen in this finale?
