It is a truth universally acknowledged that Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker will immediately start licking each other’s faces anytime a camera is pointed in their direction.
If you invite them to your fancy event, they will desecrate the red carpet by dry-humping in their matching goth-inspired evening wear. In icky social media PDA, they are rivaled only by Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, who share Instagram posts with captions about drinking each other’s blood and having “the kind of sex that would make Lucifer clutch his rosary.” Never has the old schoolyard taunt “Get a room!” been more applicable.
And yet, people love Kravis together. I love them together. What can I say, I’m a romantic. The unlikely couple seems genuinely happy, and Kourtney surely deserves happiness after putting up with the Most Obnoxious Man in Calabasas, otherwise known as Scott Disick, for over a decade.
The eldest Kardashian and the Blink-182 drummer got engaged back in October, and at the time, it was revealed that the momentous occasion was being filmed for the family’s new Hulu reality series. On this week’s episode of The Kardashians, we finally get to see Travis’ big proposal, a long-awaited treat and welcome respite after three full episodes devoted to Kim’s Saturday Night Live hosting gig.
Last week’s episode left off with the Kardashian Karavan en route to the Rosewood Miramar Beach Resort in Santa Barbara, where Travis plans to pop the question. It is the anniversary of the first time Kourt and Travis “hooked up,” as Kris Jenner explains, dreamily reflecting on the day her daughter and soon-to-be son-in-law first did the nasty. Disaster threatens to derail the surprise when Kendall and Kylie realize they may accidentally pass their sister on the freeway. (The lip kit maven’s Rolls Royce, entirely upholstered in hot pink leather, does not exactly blend in on the 101.)
Thankfully, everyone makes it to the hotel safely and Kourtney is none the wiser. All the sisters are there, along with matriarch Kris and Kourtney’s best friend, Simon Huck. Serial cheater Tristan Thompson is also present (insert vomit face emoji here), as he and Khloe had recently gotten back together. It’s hard not to feel a pang of pity when Khloe naively remarks, “I have a lot of hope and faith and optimism for our future together,” knowing that she will soon find out he fathered a child with another woman the same month they rekindled their relationship. But that’s drama for a future episode!
Travis’ kids arrive, looking exactly as cool as one would expect the teenage offspring of a rockstar to look. Notably absent are Scott (duh) and Kourtney’s own children, Mason, Penelope, and Reign Disick. Kim helpfully points out that Kourtney’s ex is going to “lose his fucking mind” when he finds out about the engagement, the first of many annoyingly Scott-centric comments throughout the night. Can we please take a break from talking about this man-child who is mooching off your family’s fame for one night and celebrate that Kourtney is finally free of him?
As it gets closer to sunset, when the proposal is slated to take place, the excitement is palpable. We see resort employees meticulously arranging humongous bouquets of red roses in the sand. Kris alternates between frantically checking her phone for updates and crying behind her tinted sunglasses. She shares that Travis visited the grave of Robert Kardashian to symbolically ask for his blessing to marry Kourtney, a fully grown 43-year-old woman. It’s kind of sweet, in an antiquated, borderline creepy sort of way.
Kris’ phone buzzes with a notification from Mindy Weiss, party planner to the stars. “You guys, it’s happening,” she announces. Disappointingly, the Hulu camera crew was seemingly not present for the actual proposal. Instead, we get a montage of photos and shaky iPhone camera footage that looks like it was shot from behind a bush.
Even so, the set-up is stunning—white candles and thousands of roses are arranged into a heart as the sun melts into the horizon. Travis and Kourtney walk onto the beach hand in hand, dressed like Michael Keaton and Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice, and he leads her into the center of the heart. The hidden camera footage shows Travis pulling a red box from his back pocket and getting down on one knee. There’s no audio, just a generic acoustic love song playing over the clip as Kourtney accepts his proposal with a kiss.
“I feel like I’m living in a fairytale,” the bride-to-be says in a voiceover. “I couldn’t have dreamed of anything more perfect. I’ve never in my whole life dreamt of getting married until Travis and until this relationship.”
Back in the hotel suite, the family cheers and debates whether to shout “surprise” or “congrats” when the newly engaged couple arrives. Kim provides the entertainment for the night with a self-deprecating stand-up act about her three divorces. “Marriages come and go, just take it from me,” she cracks, apparently ready to add “comedian” to her resume in the wake of her successful SNL stint.
Later, they all celebrate together and Kourtney exposes Travis for being too nervous to deliver the heartfelt speech he had drafted ahead of the proposal. She sweetly reassures him that “it was perfect because he did it.” One of the funniest moments comes when a weepy Kris tries to tell Kourtney about everything Travis did to prepare, and the couple refuses to stop making out long enough to listen to her. “OK, you can stop kissing for a second,” she says in exasperation, totally over their lovey-dovey bullshit.
The evening takes a slight downward turn when Kourtney is forced to break the news to her kids over Facetime, lest they find out on social media first. Penelope bursts into tears, 7-year-old Reign decisively declares, “NOT exciting!” and Mason refuses to answer her calls. Scott does his best to sabotage the happy occasion from afar, enlisting Khloe and Kendall to implore their sister to be nicer to him literally moments after her engagement to someone else.
But the party ultimately ends on a high note with supportive words from Barker’s 18-year-old son Landon. “I’ve never seen my dad this happy before,” he says. “To keep it short and sweet, I’m really happy for him and I know it’s gonna last really long and be an amazing part of our lives and our journey.”
Amazingly, there are still 20 minutes left in the episode after all this excitement unfurls, but they are mainly devoted to discussing Scott and Kanye’s respective pettiness. (This came after Ye walked out of 30 Rock in the middle of Kim’s SNL monologue and then refused to speak to her.) But back in Calabasas, life as an affianced couple seems to be treating Kravis well. By the end of the episode, they are preparing to fornicate in a doctor’s office as part of a fertility treatment. The award for MVP of the week goes to the poor nurse who had to repeatedly explain to Kourtney why she couldn’t use her own spit to help, um, collect Travis’ sperm sample. May these two live happily ever after.
