Aubrey Plaza has spent the first two episodes of The White Lotus in fresh hell, but now, she might have the opportunity to finally escape. Depending on how you look at it, though, that escape might actually be worse for her character, Harper Spiller. Isn’t a getaway to a tiny Italian villa a good thing?
Not for our lovable cynic Harper. Harper promises tired (and horny/unhorny) husband Ethan (Will Sharpe) that she’s going to “be good” to his friends the Babcocks, finally, now that they’re a few days into their Italian journey. At breakfast, her vow is immediately tested. Harper cannot begin her day with a confrontation!
Cameron (Theo James) and Daphne (Meghann Fahy), the couple who “never fight,” have a debacle over breakfast espresso. Daphne wants to go to Noto to do her Christmas shopping several months early. Cameron wants to be a macho man on the jet skis. They bicker until Daphne has the perfect suggestion: Why doesn’t Harper just go Christmas shopping with her instead?
Problem solved. And since Harper is being “nice” today, she’s forced into agreeing—off to Noto she goes. But Daphne’s harboring some information about their day trip. She’s actually booked the night at a quaint villa in the Sicilian countryside. The pair will spend a girls’ night in, relaxing by the pool while gossiping about their hubbies next to ancient Italian frescoes.
Naturally, though, Harper panics. She needs to tell Ethan that she’s been kidnapped by Daphne and she won’t be home. (Kidnapped! To an Italian mansion with more Aperol spritzes and pasta! Dear God, someone help!) I must ask the question: Is Daphne being weird, or is this actually a fun getaway for the girls to go on? I vote for the latter. Sign me up for the Noto sleepover.
Meghann Fahy and Aubrey Plaza.
Fabio Lovino/HBOAs Harper continues to spiral, Daphne has the time of her life. An Italian man begs for her hand in marriage: “No, grat-zee,” she says, butchering the Italian language. The pair flounce off to lunch, where Daphne offers her “friend” an edible. Harper accepts, but worries about what she’ll act like when she’s stoned.
“Ok, I just have to be careful. Last time I took edibles, I took way too many and ended up on the floor in the fetal position,” she says. “I kept saying, ‘I am a woman?’”
When the pair get stoned, sporting plush bathrobes and messy hair in their new Italian home, the episode becomes a brilliant exchange of ideas on monogamy and cheating. Their husbands are back at The White Lotus, boozing it up with two Sicilian sex workers, while Daphne tells Harper how to stay in control of her relationship.
Even though Harper remains pissed off and confused, the relationship between her and Daph is fascinating. They’re friends, but they’re also enemies. Is there a slight sense of homoeroticism? Maybe, probably, but also, probably not. There was just a tinge of sexual tension in the room as they chatted about their husbands’ extramarital affairs. I could watch hours of Daphne and Harper butt heads while donning floral dresses, their perfect hair bobbing up and down as they sip bright orange liquor from shimmering glassware.
Theo James and Will Sharpe in episode three of The White Lotus.
Fabio Lovino/HBOAlthough Harper continues to whine, thank goodness she’s not at The White Lotus, where Cameron continues to challenge Ethan to bro-offs. The duo nearly collide while frolicking through the ocean on their jet skis, a cascading scene set to operatic music that feels reminiscent of ancient Roman Colosseum battles.
All hell breaks loose at the end of the night, in which Daphne and Cameron’s silent fighting approaches the eye of the storm. Pissed at his wife, Cameron beckons over Lucia (Simona Tabasco) and Mia (Beatrice Grannò) for a night filled with ecstasy and sex. Hopefully, the girls don’t find out about this after they return from their sun-soaked day in Noto. Cameron’s going to want those Christmas presents, after all.
The Five Guests Most Likely to Die
We’re placing bets on who will die this season on The White Lotus. After this episode, here’s our top five picks of folks who may become corpses in just a few episodes.
1. Cameron Babcock: This list has just been updated with The White Lotus’ latest cheater, apparently. First we had Dominic, then Greg, and now, here comes Cameron. What if Daphne finding a dead body in the water at the beginning of the season was actually a ruse, and she murdered her husband?
2. Greg Hunt (Jon Gries): Greg abandons Tanya once and for all. This scummy guy’s gotta go. Let’s celebrate his death when it inevitably happens, everyone!
3. Dominic Di Grasso (Michael Imperioli): Another cheater, Dominic remains on our list because we have a feeling Laura Dern will visit the island to stomp on his neck.
4. Albie Di Grasso (Adam DiMarco): This is probably a longshot, as Albie’s too nice to be killed. But Tanya seems to be tired of her assistant’s wandering glances. In one swing, she can push both Albie and Greg off a balcony and to their death.
5. Tanya McQuoid (Jennifer Coolidge): That tarot card reading was super dark! Tanya is cursed. That’s our final prediction.
