Tom Sandoval has spent this season of Vanderpump Rules oscillating between acting like a sad sack and an admitted villain, but he’s held out hope it would all be worth it thanks to his one true love. That delusion came crashing down this week, as Rachel Leviss came out of the woodwork (via podcast) to burst Sandoval’s bubble, leading to a series of unfortunate events for our illustrious antagonist. Sandoval got knocked down continuously this week, taking hits from all sides until he finally exploded.
The episode opens on Scheana’s music video shoot for “Good as Gold,” her decade-old single that is still one of the best pieces of music a Bravolebrity has ever produced. The video, on the other hand, doesn’t appear to exist, according to a quick Google search. I suppose a well-timed drop to coincide with the episode is possible. It’s also possible they were filming that Uber One commercial, but the outfits don’t line up, as far as I can tell. This calls for an investigation… stay tuned.
It was a big week for Scheana’s music career, too, as she dropped a new song, “Apples.” It wasn’t Scheana’s new song that stirred up VPR nation this week, though. Rachel finally resurfaced (in podcast form) to deliver a final blow to Sandoval, while causing ire for James, Ariana and Scheana, too. The interview, with she who shall not be named (B*******y F*****l), has the entire group in a tizzy, especially Sandoval.
Even though Rachel has fully ghosted him and told Lisa Vanderpump weeks ago that she’s over Sandoval, it wasn’t until he heard her on the [name redacted] podcast that he realized it’s over. That surely says something about this man’s level of delusion, or maybe he’s just a hopeless romantic. Helpless, too.
After crying about it to Schwartz, Sandoval shows up to TomTom in a pitiful state, something Lisa has no time for. The pity party has ended, and the entire cast now wants Sandoval to just move on and get it together. For all those thinking this cast hates women because they’ve constantly berated Ariana to move on, don’t you worry, as they are equal-opportunity haters. I’m not saying they like women, but the cast of VPR have enough hate in their hearts for all genders.
When Sandoval brings up his shared home, a collective eyeroll is shared, and Lisa begs him to just sell it and move on. It’s the only sane option, and it’s wild the two of them didn’t just decide on that as soon as they realized the other option is cohabitating in a pile of filth. But, rationale isn’t this group’s strong suit, now is it? Even more delusional is Sandoval’s offer to Schwartz to move into the house and pay rent. Even Schwartz, one of the stupidest people on TV, can see that awful idea from a mile away. It’s bad optics, and Schwartz doesn’t do bad optics (except for all those times he has, but ignore those).
It’s funny that the house itself is a dump, too. You’d think it was some gorgeous oasis that the two of them simply can’t part from, but in reality, it’s a huge storage unit with moldy food and dirty litter boxes in every corner. I wouldn’t be able to get out of that house fast enough.
Granted, Ariana justifies the clutter by saying the boxes are simply easier than unpacking and organizing, given she will eventually move. Which, sure! Except, some of those boxes predate the breakup, and Ariana didn’t end up even buying a new place until a few weeks ago (in real time). That’s a long time to kick the can when you could just clean up. And that goes for both these filthy freaks.
Sandoval attempts to get his mojo back with a little band rehearsal, but his bad day only continues when James enters. I won’t even comment on his vocals, as his life is bad enough as it is, but I do think it might be time to pivot to a new side hustle. Although James claims he’s there to commiserate over Rachel, he’s really there to rub in Sandoval’s face that Rachel doesn’t love him. These are the actions of a man still obsessed with his ex, and James clearly is giddy that the affair has been tarnished.
James’ thinly veiled victory lap isn’t met with excitement by Sandoval, though. Sandoval not-so-subtly jabs at James by telling him that Rachel’s ultimatum for him to get sober was one she gave him in hopes he’d fail so they could break up, while James hits back with a reminder Rachel doesn’t love Sandoval. Both men are still delusionally in love with Rachel clearly, insulting her and the podcast while simultaneously deducing her words to come out on top as her one true love.
Their fight is quite pathetic, really. I’d feel bad for Ally if it weren’t clear she doesn’t like James at all, anyway, and is only dating him for social gain. That’s not a dig, for what it’s worth. There’s no rational reason to date James Kennedy otherwise. Ally “Girl’s Girl” Lewber knows what she’s doing.
Of course, the centerpiece of the episode is far removed from Sandoval. Lala hosts a sperm donor party in Lisa’s backyard so she and her nearest and dearest can decide on which donor Lala should choose. That’s a level of absurdity more suited for the Real Housewives franchise usually, but this group are Housewives-aged now, after all.
Thankfully, our resident “girl’s girl” finally grabs a spoon and stirs the pot at the event, keeping it from being a total snooze. Ally approaches Katie and tells her that Lala said she’s miserable and always upset, leading Katie to get upset (...and act miserable). It’s kind of hilarious watching Ally deliver this message so sincerely, especially since she twists Lala’s already catty words to be even meaner, swapping out “unhappy” for “miserable.” Maybe she does have what it takes to be a star.
Oh, Lala picks a sperm donor, by the way. Woo. Anyway, at TomTom’s inaugural brunch, Katie and Lala finally come head-to-head for yet another confrontation. Lala stands by her assertion that Katie is unhappy, and she feels that she’s been excluded ever since Katie and Ariana got closer. The two have a heartfelt conversation, but it’s one that’s ultimately moot. Post-season, Lala has no love lost with Katie, and recently unfollowed her (and Ariana) on Instagram after filming the reunion.
This argument’s a bit frustrating, as no one’s being genuine about the real issue. Last week, it seemed clear Lala’s issue is that Katie is derailing the show by being bullheaded, but there’s something more going on. It would be nice to get more context into this friendship destroying fight the ladies had last year, rather than minute crumbs that leave the story a mystery. Hopefully, come reunion time, we get that answer.
The episode ends with Sandoval’s bad week hitting a peak, as Scheana delivers the final blow. Since her revived music career is entirely a product of the Scandoval, our infamous songstress has decided to lean into the scandal with lyrics in her new single that reference both Sandoval and Rachel. The song is a pop-punk track that sounds like it was released in 2008 and has 174K views on YouTube, so it’s not the viral moment she may have hoped for (though it’s a bit of a bop). Still, Sandoval blows up. The death glare he gives Scheana is so funny; he’s completely in his brooding era.
Even though the song seems harmless enough to Scheana, Sandoval feels it’s a huge setback for their relationship, and a reminder that his former friends have gleefully used this scandal for their own financial gain. He’s not wrong, per say, but it wouldn’t kill him to just lighten up and exhibit a bit of social awareness, especially given Scheana is an ally he desperately needs.
As the episode closed, though, I couldn’t help but wonder: Haven’t we seen this before? This week’s Vanderpump Rules hit the same beats its hit all season—Sandoval reeling over Rachel; the endless back-and-forth of Sandoval and Ariana’s shared home; and the confusingly strained friendship between Katie and Lala Kent. With reality TV being a display of reality and all, there’s naturally going to be some repetition. But there’s no doubt the episode delivers an aura of déjà vu, a solid yet unremarkable filler episode to set the season up for its final episodes.
So it’s refreshing when, tucked in between all this repetition, we get a scene that pulls back the veil on Ally and James’ relationship. While the sperm donor party wasn’t the most eventful TV, it did lead Producer Vanderpump to ask Ally if and when she plans to have children, and that’s something she and James don’t see eye-to-eye on. When James hesitantly says “I definitely see like babies in our future, like, together… you know,” Ally winces. She wasn’t put on this Earth to be a mom. She’s here to be a girl’s girl!
Ally has largely coasted through her time on the show and as James’ girlfriend, as he’s been too preoccupied getting over Rachel to focus on her, something Ally is surely eternally grateful for. But as reality sets in and the stakes rise, it’ll be interesting to see how much longer these two fight it out, or if their love can prove the haters (me) wrong and pass the test of time.
Only time will tell, but this is yet another reason I’ll advocate for newbies to keep VPR from stagnating. It wasn’t the worst decision to keep the main cast tight this season, but adding more wildcards like Jo and friends of Ally could help strengthen the cast so the show doesn’t tread the same ground going forward.
Next week, we aren’t focused on moving forward but blasting to the past, with Jax Taylor’s second return to the show, while a Brittany Cartwright jumpscare appears in the preview, too. Whether it will be a direct crossover with The Valley remains to be seen, but it’s always nice to see Jax’s psychosis a few hours a week.
