(Warning: Spoilers ahead.)
Given how much the trio of rich 40-something friends have s--t-talked behind each other’s backs during their luxury vacation, it is surprising it took this long for things to blow up on The White Lotus.
Compared to what some other guests are getting up to (a handy from a sibling, stealing a gun, plotting vengeance, avoiding a murderer), the blonde BFFs' conflict is rather quaint. Or, so high school. Yet, it is thrilling to see Laurie (Carrie Coon) toss the grenade into this toxic friendship. Is this the first time one of them has called Jaclyn (Michelle Monaghan) out for her selfish behavior?
Having a great piece of gossip is oxygen to these women, more so when it is about one of the other two. Kate (Leslie Bibb) cannot wait to tell Laurie about witnessing Valentin’s (Arnas Fedaravičius) early morning walk of shame. Even Kate’s c--ty bob vibrates as she teases the big Jaclyn reveal.
Bibb has already showcased her Emmy-worthy condescending smile, and now she adds a cat that got the cream grin to her roster. Quickly, Kate will regret ever sharing this intel.
“It’s sad. She’s an aging actress. You saw her yesterday. She literally lives off male attention. It’s one thing when you’re 25, but now you’re 45, and guess what, it’s pathetic,” Laurie says with her whole chest.
Laurie, rightly, is annoyed that Jaclyn went from playing cupid to hooking up with Valentin: “She has not changed at all. She is exactly the same. That is so psycho.” I don’t think I have seen anyone cut fruit with quite this much vigor, and while we’re throwing out new Emmy subcategories, Coon deserves one for this breakfast display.
Because she shuts down at the slightest friction, Kate backtracks, saying she thought Laurie would find it funny. Kate is lying or deluded if she thinks Laurie would be chill—or perhaps she figured Laurie would fall in line. ‘I’m laughing. It’s funny. HA,” says Laurie. Spoiler: She is not laughing.
Later, when the trio is sunbathing, Laurie stage whispers to Kate that she needs to say something because it feels fake not to. “One person’s fake is another person’s, you know, good manners,” replies Kate. Okay, I need this platitude embroidered on a cushion. When Jaclyn stirs, Kate deflects, saying they are talking about their kids.
But Laurie is done with the BS, telling Jacyln they know about her one-night stand. When she says nothing happened, Jaclyn delivers a performance she probably thinks is Oscar-worthy (People’s Choice at best).
“Can I ask, and I’m just curious, why did you keep pushing him on me when it was always your plan to hook up with him yourself?” asks Laurie. It is now Jaclyn’s turn to call her friend crazy.
If she didn’t already want to be erased from this narrative, Kate’s bugged-out eyes scream this sentiment when Laurie drops her in it: “When Kate told me she saw him coming out of your room this morning.”
Of all the twists and turns, Jaclyn sleeping with Valentin is the least surprising because she is that girl and always has been. Of course, this isn’t me cracking a huge mystery, as Mike White lays this all out from the first episode. “It just made me laugh. It’s like nobody ever changes. We’re still the same people we were in the tenth grade. It’s just funny. It’s funny.” You guessed it, Laurie does not laugh
Even though Jaclyn says she’s “not sure what that means,” plenty of us have been Lauries or Kates on the other side of a Jaclyn. If socials are any indicator, instead of saying you are a Jaclyn, Kate or Laurie, these roles are some variation of “Actress, MAGA, and Carrie Coon.” (Dibs on Carrie Coon)
“This is what you always did. Never mind, forget it, it doesn’t matter,” Laurie announces as they return to reading—or using a book as a prop. It is also beyond telling that Jaclyn’s choice is the weighty Barbra Streisand hardback memoir, which will tip those luggage scales. No doubt, Jaclyn sees herself as a Babs. For those wondering, Laurie’s novel is Modern Lovers by Emma Straub.
Later, Kate asks why Laurie is antagonizing Jaclyn. “I’m not like you. Sometimes I just have to be honest,” Laurie says. Once again, Kate grins, now mixed with a grimace.
Kate has one more BFF round to go, and Jaclyn goes full gaslighting: “Do you know how much gossip I have to deal with? My own friends—the few people that I think I can trust—are talking s--t about me behind my back. It’s really depressing.” Has Jaclyn pushed it too far?
Old habits die hard, but Laurie threatens the delicate ecosystem by bringing her grievance to the table instead of behind Jaclyn’s back. Perhaps there will be enlightenment on this trip after all.
