Predictions for The White Lotus finale have been rolling in almost all over the internet—from TikTok to Twitter to every entertainment publication in Googling distance. Who will die? Who faces Italian jail time, incarcerato per omicidio? (You may be able to guess what that means in English, but if not: incarcerated for homicide.)
Well, we finally know who’s going home in a casket, who’s riding in the cop car, and who can return to America with nothing more than a guilty conscience. The White Lotus Season 2 finale aired tonight, and boy, was it wild. We wouldn’t expect any less from Mike White, the creator who brought us two warped seasons of this show (and School of Rock)!
At the beginning of The White Lotus, as was the case with Season 1, we learn that someone dies in the first episode. Daphne (Meghann Fahy) swims into the ocean and her arm brushes against a dead body. She yelps, runs out, and hotel concierge Valentina (Sabrina Impacciatore) rushes to the scene. We find out multiple “guests” have died. But who, exactly, gets the ax? And is anyone guilty of first degree murder?
Warning: Spoilers ahead for The White Lotus Season 2.
That yacht and those gays were never good news. While Tanya (Jennifer Coolidge) sails back to the White Lotus in Taormina, a stranded Portia (Haley Lu Richardson) awakes in far off Catania—to find that her phone has been stolen. Girl, get out of that hotel NOW! Get on a bus back to the resort. Nevertheless, she stays with Jack (Leo Woodall), who is getting creepier by the minute.
While at brunch, Portia decides to phone Tanya (via Jack’s phone) to tell her what’s going on. Tanya flips, realizing the gays are stealing her money. The only way Greg (Jon Gries) can inherit her dough? To escape the prenup, Tanya needs to die. Noted mafia hottie Niccoló (Stefano Gianino) arrives minutes later to the yacht with a black duffel bag.
Tanya escapes during dinner, stealing the black duffel bag as she runs to the lady’s room. And, sure enough, the bag’s contents are incredibly ominous: black rope, duct tape, and the kicker, a pistol. Tanya reacts quickly, thank goodness, murdering all of the men after her money. We needed Jennifer Coolidge firing multiple rounds to get us through the rest of the year. (We’ll see her firing one in January 2023 with the release of Shotgun Wedding, after all.)
But Tanya’s not in the clear yet. She’s stuck on the boat, and the only way out is via the boat that Niccoló brought to bring her to shore, which floats just around 15 feet below the yacht. Tanya leaps to the boat—only to slam her head on the side and drown. The morning after, Daphne (Meghann Fahy) swims away from shore only to brush against the poor woman’s corpse.
This is in stark contrast to last season, in which we only knew douchebag Shane (Jake Lacy) survived the stay. Instead, our beloved concierge Armond (Murray Bartlett) was killed—by Shane himself, who stabbed the hotel manager in an act of self-defense. Armond had been, pardon my French, shitting in Shane’s suitcase when the manslaughter (or, murder) occurred.
Fans went wild for the new kill, mourning the death of our beloved Tanya, who bit the dust even after her big murder scene. (Moreover: Does Portia go to the funeral? Does she bring Albie as her plus one? Season 3, we need you now more than ever.)
And you know the worst thing about all of this? Because Tanya died, Greg still inherits all of her wealth. That dirty bastard. We may be facing more coffins in the future of The White Lotus, which—thank goodness!—has already been renewed for a third season. Where will they venture next?
