Back in 2011, Hayden Panettiere pulled off something rare with Scream 4. Her character, Kirby Reed, was the sole survivor of the “Woodsboro Massacre Remake”—the Ghostface murder with the highest body count—but that’s not what I’m talking about. The actress herself also managed to make a mark on an already established franchise, transforming what could have been a throwaway character into one that fans could not stop screaming about. But I’m not talking about that either.
I’m speaking instead about that incredible pixie cut—a masterfully coiffed work of art that both encapsulated Panettiere’s scrappy screen presence and inspired queer girls everywhere (or fine, maybe just this one) to consider the pompadour. Any pixie cut is a good pixie cut as long as it did not happen on America’s Next Top Model, but a well-executed curly pomp is a miracle of both style and physics—a phenomenon to be revered and honored for generations to come.
Imagine my surprise this morning when I woke up to see that in Scream 6, they’ve replaced that triumph with the Applebee’s of hairstyles—the choice every woman makes at some point in her life, but usually out of resignation for lack of better options. It’s a wavy bob, but also just slightly too long for a bob. This hair lives outside the city limits of Bob Town just before you reach Lobsville—a miserable place for anyone to be. It’s giving grad school hair; it’s giving afternoon Fox News anchor; it’s giving me a stress migraine just looking at it because why does this wig look frizzy?!
This first-look image from Entertainment Weekly will haunt my subconscious for at least the next two hours:
I’m not normally a “let that sink in" person, but I feel in this case I have no choice but to find someone who will let me borrow their printer so that I can take to the streets with “before” and “after” photos and implore everyone to consider what’s at stake here. Someone has to do something, and it appears the Scream 6 wig-monger has already done more than enough.
There is, however, at least one reason to be optimistic here: Another preview image from EW appears to capture Kirby working side by side with Scream goddess Gale Weathers, aka Courteney Cox. This could just be our most dynamic duo since Skeet Ulrich and Matthew Lillard teamed up in the original. Maybe Gale can tell Kirby about the time she got baby bangs? Lots to think about!
