It’s a day to celebrate America and what we do best. And what is that, you might ask? At least for some wealthy, geriatric white men with questionable cognition and a whole lot of power, it’s golf.
As viewers learned last week during the chaotic presidential debate, golf stats are apparently of vital importance in deciding the leader of our country.
As the pair were questioned about their ages, Trump made a compelling argument for his fitness for the most powerful position in the world, declaring, “I just won two club championships, not even senior, two regular club championships .”
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He continued, “To do that, you have to be quite smart and you have to be able to hit the ball a long way. And I do it. He [Biden] doesn’t do it. He can’t hit a ball 50 yards. He challenged me to a golf match. He can’t hit a ball 50 yards.”
A seemingly stunned Biden then responded with an ultimatum:, “I’d be happy to have a driving contest with him. I got my handicap, which, when I was vice president, down to a six. And by the way, I told you before, I’m happy to play golf if you carry your own bag. Think you can do it?”
And so the back-and-forth began.
Trump: “That’s the biggest lie that he’s a six handicap, of all.”
Biden: “I was eight handicap.”
Trump: “Yeah.”
Biden: “Eight, but I have—you know how many…”
Trump: “I’ve seen your swing, I know your swing.”
Debate moderators Dana Bash and Jake Tapper then directed the two aged leaders onto less important topics, like a peaceful transition of power.
Though, it appears both Trump and Biden may perhaps be telling fibs when it comes to their golfing stats. Golf expert and author Rick Reilly wrote in The Washington Post that Biden is nowhere close to a “6” handicap. “I slapped my forehead. Biden had shuffled to the podium like he was wearing leg irons, so nobody on Earth was believing he’s a 6,” he wrote. Meanwhile, according to Reilly, Trump is “good off the tee, but he shanks shots, chunks chips and purloins putts.” Trump, he claims, is about a “10” or “12” handicap, but aided by his caddies.
So who is the real winner here? It certainly wasn’t the debate. Could it simply be the sport of golf? Or perhaps compliments should go to any Americans hitting the links today–congratulations on your presidential aura.
But watch out: get your handicap low enough, you may even be tapped for the perilous 2024 ticket.
