Among my favorite running jokes on the internet is that “men will literally [insert X ridiculous thing men do here] instead of going to therapy.” Whether they’re forming an improv troupe, running for president, or burying themselves with 8,000 terra cotta soldiers, the idea is that in lieu of making an effort toward self-improvement, these gents would rather embarrass themselves. Of course, the problem with this meme is that even Men Who Do Therapy can still remain just as reprehensible as they started. Case in point: Have you ever heard of Harry Jowsey?
Where do we even start with this forever-grinning goofus? Harry Jowsey first rose to fame in the inaugural season of Netflix’s Too Hot to Handle, where he and Francesca Farago lost their castmates loads of money by hooking up basically everywhere. Then, less than a year later, he launched an OnlyFans that has since brought him incomprehensible amounts of wealth. (As in, he once somehow banked $100,000 in just 24 hours on the site.) Now, he’s back on Netflix for Perfect Match Season 2, after a quick trip to ABC’s Dancing with the Stars last season. Episode after episode, the theme of the season seems to be that Harry is the hottest of hot shit. As someone who would rather chew her own arm off and wave it over her head than spend even five minutes on a beach with this guy, I’ll admit, I am baffled.
Among the first things we learn about Harry in Perfect Match Season 2 is that he did not watch the first season because he had three (3) ex-girlfriends on the show—Francesca, Too Hot to Handle Season 3 alum Georgia Hassarati, and Netflix reality queen Chloe Veitch. Although he skipped out on watching the season, Harry already knows that the “perfect match” did not win, “because she cheated on that guy with me.” (The alleged cheater in question would be Georgia, who matched up with Dominic “Dom” Gabriel.)
Things only get more unbelievable from there. During one interview with producers, Harry reveals that an ex once keyed his car after seeing that another woman had posted a photo of his bed. If that wasn’t bad enough, he clarified that his ex had specifically told him not to sleep with the “other girl” in question. “But we didn’t break up,” he says with a grin. “We got back together.” WHY?! I ask, spilling rosé all over my couch in a rage-filled shock.
And as for how Harry earned $100,000 in just one day on OnlyFans? “I can’t tell you what I did to make that type of money,” he says, “but if you know, you know.” According to The Daily Mail, he’d uploaded some sort of steamy shower scene. But should we believe him when he claims to have hooked up with “a few” multi-platinum pop stars? You’ll all have to decide for yourselves, but that’s at least one unbelievable bridge too far for me.
But the anecdote that really broke me—the one that truly made me wonder how humanity ever strayed so far from God’s light—was Harry’s claim that someone once offered him $40,000 to sleep with their partner.
Harry Jowsey in Perfect Match.
Netflix
“Back in Australia, had this guy DM me on Instagram,” Harry revealed during a truth-telling challenge. “He said, ‘Hey, I want you to sleep with my girlfriend. I’ll give you $40,000. I said, “Brother, $40,000 for 30 seconds is the greatest deal of all time.”
On one hand, I mean, yes. On the other, who the hell would pay anyone that much for that? To be clear, this is not me kink-shaming—this is me being cheap and also having zero understanding of what makes this guy worth all the fuss (and, apparently, cash). Like, yes, he’s fine, but of all the people that one could choose to bed for the price of a new car, it just doesn’t seem like he should rank this high. Sure, he’s cute, but have you ever heard him speak?
Harry Jowsey and Jessica Vestal.
Netflix
Harry might insist that he’s changed with the help of some therapy and self-help books, but his time on Perfect Match proves that not everyone makes significant progress through therapy alone. Within the first couple episodes, he hounds his match, Elys Hutchinson, to trust him, only to walk out on her at the first opportunity. In doing so, he tries to shut down a conversation about her feelings with the word “cheers,” and then, he seals his villain status by asking her for a hug. Hague!!!
I’m not here to tell anyone how to live their lives, but I’m just saying, when Steve Buscemi utters his unforgettable Spy Kids 2 line, “Do you think God stays in heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he’s created here on Earth?”, I am pretty sure he’s talking about Harry Jowsey.