Filming a sex scene for the first time can be terrifying, exhilarating, and educational; it can even make some cry. Few porn stars start out as sexual dynamos—that’s an acquired skill.
Driving to my first porn shoot I almost felt at war with myself. I was about to have sex with a stranger on camera in exchange for money. I wondered if I’d hate myself, or if somehow I’d feel morally bankrupt when the scene ended. Was I giving up a piece of myself? Would I cry? I didn’t know.
At 18, my sexual history was on the bland side. I’d never experienced a one-night stand and only had long-term monogamous partners. I lost my on-screen virginity to a short, heavy man several decades older than me in front of several cameras mounted on tripods. There was no make-up artist or person to do my hair, and the whole ordeal was rather… anticlimactic. My co-star was also the director, which meant his approach to filming was more technical than intimate. I did as I was told and guess the sex scene went well. I couldn’t tell. He seemed happy and I left with a check in hand, knowing I’d film another one. I didn’t hate myself and, well, that was good enough for me.
Amarna Miller, now 25, filmed her first sex scene at 19 years old. She went from nude modeling to filming, so the progression felt natural. “Going one step further, masturbating on camera, didn’t feel like a big deal,” says Miller. “I saw porn as a great way to experiment with my sexuality.” Unlike many porn star hopefuls, Miller spent the first two years of her career doing solo and lesbian scenes mainly for her own company, which lent her the control so many other newbies lack.
Brooke Banner also began her career with girl-on-girl performances, but it was her first boy-girl scene a year later that had her in tears. “At one point the director yelled cut and asked me to go into the bathroom and collect myself. ‘I can’t film you crying’ he said.’ I gave myself a pep talk, walked out of the bathroom, closed the door behind me, and left that scared girl inside.” Overcoming the dread of how loved ones would react to her career, Brooke continued to film sex scenes for years to come, leaving the business in 2010 to pursue a college degree and become a mother. After a six-year hiatus, at 33, Brooke has returned to the adult industry and notes how different it is to film for the “first time” again. “I am a different person returning to the business now. That said, this round I carry no guilt or shame,” says Brooke. “I am comfortable in my skin and passionate about my work.”
“I wasn’t afraid of having sex with a stranger, I wasn’t afraid of having sex on camera, I was afraid I was going to make an idiot of myself trying to speak,” says Brooklyn Chase on filming her first sex scene. “All I had to do was walk in front of the camera and say anything and I completely froze. I couldn’t come up with a single word.”
Half expecting the people in the adult industry to be crazy or on drugs, Chase recalls telling her agent she wanted to do one scene to feel it out, then see how she felt about it afterwards. “I left with a check that day and said this is the greatest thing that I have ever done! It felt so empowering. I left that first shoot feeling like, ‘I am woman, hear me roar.’”
It’s not just the women who get nervous. Male porn stars are just as likely to have awkward, challenging first scenes.
Ryan Driller filmed his first sex scene when he was 25 years old, and it was what many men dream of: three women all to himself. “I knew it was going to be a bit of a challenge because I wasn’t just trying to please the girls I was having sex with, I had to make it look good for the camera. For the most part it was fun and easy… until it came time to pop. It took me forever,” says Driller. “I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I’d be. It was much easier than giving a speech in high school.”
Tarantino XXX expected a walk in the park. It was a small crew that consisted of himself, a camera guy, and his female co-star (what could go wrong?). Filming began after the hardcore photos were taken but because he’d lost wood a couple of times for stills, the nervousness began to take over. “When you’re male talent, when that one inch of doubt creeps into your mind it’s stuck there, you can’t get rid of it, you have to overcome it. So that doubt was creeping into my brain,” says Tarantino XXX. “I stopped and asked for five minutes to shake off the nerves. I go into the bathroom, look into the mirror, and give myself a pep talk to fight through this.”
After that, it was a rock-solid performance.
