The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City is a soap opera. It’s a melodramatic mystery. It’s an avant garde prestige series, a shape-shifting show of the utmost beauty. One week, they’re Pretty Little Liars uncovering the identity of Reality Von Tease, and the next, they’re residents of Wisteria Lane questioning the new Housewife.
This week, they’re Mob Wives, inheriting the spirit of Drita and Big Ang to fight hard in the name of nastiness and rheumurs. The furs are big, the secrets even bigger, and the drama’s so explosive that it causes even the most demure of characters to engage in a tussle. Never doubt the raw ability of the Greek Mafia.
Always on the cutting edge of the franchise, RHOSLC has tested the waters with some unique cold opens this year. We’ve only heard the taglines once, and the “previously on…” segment has been put out to pasture for gimmicks like the ’70s sitcom Laverne & Shirley’s Milwaukee intro and this week’s mafia mania, a gambit that teeters right on the edge of campy and over-indulgent.
It’s Angie K.’s 25th wedding anniversary, and she’s going all out to make it the party of the year. Her house is whiter than ever, an empty snow globe that proudly houses the season’s wildest drama yet, as Heather’s backseat producing finally gets called out, while Whitney and Lisa’s feud goes from passive to extremely aggressive.
First, we catch up on some solo storylines. Over in the Barlow household, Lisa gossips with her son Henry about the state of her friendship with Angie. Baby Gorgeous Barlow is disgusted with Angie, telling Lisa she should box her, just like he does his friends! She definitely knew he did that, since she’s a hands-on mother who doesn’t ever let her kids game until 2 a.m. Anyone who says otherwise just hates successful women.
Meanwhile, Mary’s harrowing homelife is once again put on display. It’s somewhat rare in the modern, over-produced era of Housewives that you get a scene as uncomfortably raw as her conversation with her son. Mary’s often trotted out for comic relief before returning to her closet of terror, so it’s always a bit unsettling to see her show emotions, but it’s very welcome. All I can say is I hope everything works out for both of them.
Thankfully for Mary, her chilling solo scene is just a brief moment before Bronwyn comes over to audition for the role of “sycophantic brownnoser” begging for motherly love, providing a much needed escape. They both have blue kitchens and husbands who are (or could be) grandpas! Isn’t that so bestie coded?
What the two really are there to discuss, though, is the growing stink coming from Heather Gay, perpetual pot stirrer. Heather has undergone a metamorphosis, no longer the wallflower we met in Season 1. She’s confident and back in her Mormon mean girl bag, starting fires everywhere she goes. Already this season, she has roasted Whitney on the spit, tried to expose Bronwyn as a first-class fraud, and cast extreme doubt on Angie K.’s newfound role in the group.
Heather could’ve rested on her laurels this year, riding the high of the most viral Housewives moment in the past decade (and yes, I said what I said, like it or not), but she’s embraced her inner villain. It’s a real thrill and a necessary evolution for her character, made better by the fact she’s not skating past passive cast members.
Meanwhile, Whitney Drew has accelerated her mission to take down Lisa for allegedly spreading unfounded rumors about her jewelry business. She finally sits down with Meredith to apologize for pinning it all on her, doing her best to shift Meredith’s allegiances off of Lisa’s side.
Meredith, who has avoided conflict to an extreme degree all season, simply shrugs that off. What Whitney seems not to understand is Meredith doesn’t like her, at all. And she does like Lisa currently, so she’s not deflecting to the B-team over a jewelry brand that won’t exist in six months.
At the Mob Wives party, it all comes to a head as the ladies celebrate 25 years of marital bliss by fighting like cats and dogs. Glass of red in hand, a slicked-back pony, fur, and sunglasses on, Meredith urges Whitney to confront Lisa, once and for all. Sideline warrior Meredith truly embodies the spirit of the mafia, while elusive friend-of, Britani, has embraced the Days of Our Lives.
Britani has shaken off her Osmond woes and arrives to the party with a rent-a-man, who looks suspiciously similar to her on-again, off-again boyfriend. I appreciate that the well-groomed men of Salt Lake City all have the look of Hallmark movie leads whose Instagrams are super Christian with one occasional far-right post sprinkled in for fun.
Sorry to Bronwyn, who’s also a solid addition to the show, but Britani is newbie of the year. Her love triangle this week is the perfect comic relief to an otherwise unrepentant episode of drama. Britani’s dynamic with Lisa is also endearing, as she’s such a broken bird that Lisa has consistently come across empathetic, rational, and, dare I say, pro-woman in her pursuits. Whoever decided against making Britani the eighth snowflake made a decision that ruined my life.
Thankfully, the snowflakes we do have are firing on all cylinders. Bronwyn has tried out a few roles thus far, and this week, she’s the bone collector. Her hair twisted up at the ends a la Bree Van de Kamp, Bronwyn tells Angie about Heather’s hyperbolic twisting of her own, having taken Angie’s comments about parenting to imply that she thinks Lisa’s a bad mom.
It’s a smart subversion of the he said/she said drama we could have gotten between Angie and Lisa, instead attacking the source. Bronwyn is a formidable force, a much stronger foe to Heather than our bad Mormon is used to facing. And surprisingly, so is Mary.
“Everywhere you drop, and everywhere you stop, it’s a lie,” Mary tells Heather, kicking off a major fight between the two.
They’re great sparring partners because they understand each other rather well, and their criticisms are both well-founded and the result of years of shared history. In some ways, it seems almost Ramona Singer/Luann de Lesseps-esque, and it’s a strong tethering point to give Mary a real stake in the drama.
Next, Angie takes a turn at Heather, asking her why she’s choosing Lisa’s side. This leads to yet an ambush from Bronwyn that leaves Heather running away, proving the B-team alliance can get a win, every now and again.
The truth is, Heather might be the face of the show in many ways, but Lisa’s star has eclipsed all others, even if it could burn bright and fast. The rollercoaster that is Lisa vs. Whitney is the most consistent feud of the entire franchise, after all, and it reaches shocking heights as the episode ends.
Lisa refutes all Whitney’s attempts to pin the Ali Baba business rumors on her, bulldozing the “hilled Whitney” with threats to sue the petty podcaster who accused Lisa. Then she dials up her private security to launch an investigation into these claims—and she wants to “go the distance on it.”
Lisa has a cabal of lawyers in her arsenal, private security, and glam in Saint Tropez. She’s our true mafia Mormon, throwing down with ever-growing gusto. Is it deflection? Yes, of course. But in the game of Housewives, Lisa Barlow is unwaveringly resilient.
She fearlessly launches an attack on Whtiney’s husband in the final moments that leads to the two husbands getting into a tussle. That’s right, after five seasons as wallpaper, John Barlow’s all ready for his first big fight! It’s really inspiring that every episode of RHOSLC ups the ante and blows the last out of the water thanks to this utterly relentless cast.
Mob Wives may be a relic of a long-gone era of TV, but tonight, we all get to live in mafioso glory.
