In a matter of hours, the world could very well witness a Donald Trump perp walk. In the meantime, Roy Wood Jr. used his first night guest hosting The Daily Show to bring viewers up to speed on what’s going on with the former POTUS, who Wood imagines is pretty pissed off right now.
“You know Trump gotta be mad,” said Wood. “He paid all that hush money, didn’t nobody hush. It’s messed up. It’s in the word: hush. Shhhh! But no affair—no affair—has been less hushed than this one. Everybody know about this damn affair. There’s uncontacted tribes in the Amazon who know that Trump boned Stormy Daniels.”
But don’t think for a second that Wood is feeling bad for the ex-president. “Because it’s not all bad for Trump,” Wood explained. Because it’s been reported that in the 48 hours following his indictment, Trump managed to raise $5 million from his supporters. “Do you know how many cigarettes that will get you in prison?” Wood asked.
ADVERTISEMENT
“Honestly, this might be teaching this man the wrong lesson,” Wood concluded. “Trump will start telling people to snitch on him for other crimes he did, just so he can get that bag, too. Trump will be the first man in history to pay un-hush money.”
After declaring that “going to jail might be the new way to fundraise if you’re a politician,” Wood noted that the practice could catch on. “Hillary probably sitting around like, ‘Hell, $5 million. Shit, maybe they shoulda locked me up.’”
Wood’s first night behind The Daily Show desk was notable for another reason: He is the first regular correspondent to guest host the show since Trevor Noah’s departure in December. And he has made it clear that he’d be open to making it a permanent thing. “I think if you’re asked, you have to at least consider it,” Wood said in October, while appearing on The Last Laugh podcast. “You can’t say no to an opportunity like that. You can’t turn your nose up at it at least.”
For more, listen to Roy Wood Jr. on The Last Laugh podcast.
