The men of late-night have made plenty of jokes about Sean Hannity’s new starring role in the scandal-plagued Trump administration over the past few days, but no one has nailed him nearly as well as Samantha Bee did Wednesday night.
“Why the fuck does Sean Hannity, the guy who made $36 million last year, retain a graduate of the actual worst law school in the country?” the Full Frontal host asked. “A guy whose whole business model seems to be built around blackmailing mistresses.”
According to Hannity, his discussions with Cohen never concerned any “third parties” and instead “exclusively almost” focused on real estate. “Real Estate is a weird name for a porn star,” she said. “Actually, no. No one would fuck you. You must have done something so much worse.”
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This led Bee to a very important question: “Is Sean Hannity a serial killer?”
“Now, I know what you’re thinking,” she continued. “You can’t just throw together a bunch of scary buzzwords and out-of-context clips just to support an outrageous conclusion. And normally I would agree with you, but you know who does that all the time? Sean Hannity.”
After playing a montage of Hannity doing just that, Bee said, “His whole show is just an hour-long list of lies and conspiracy theories, but people think it’s news because he doesn’t sweat as much as Alex Jones and because he’s on a channel that calls itself news.”
With that in mind, Bee proceeded to break down the typical characteristics of serial killers—including bedwetting beyond a normal age and low self-esteem—and “prove” that Hannity just might be one. “In movies, serial killers are often portrayed as geniuses, but in real life they generally do not know unique or exceptional intellectual skills,” she said. “No exceptional intellectual skills? That’s my Sean!”
Most disturbing of all, however, were the photos Bee uncovered of Hannity at home, posing in front of “an alarming number of sheds.”
“Focus on the sheds. More sheds than your average American should ever own. Just, like, so many goddamn sheds!” Bee added. “Who needs that many sheds if you’re not storing barrels of melted people? And how can you even build that many sheds on your land? No one could get zoned for that. I mean, you’d need real-estate advice from a great attorney. Oh my god!”
