One of the more unexpected joys of the past week has been the extent to which Republicans and right wing media outlets seem lost, wandering through the forest, trying to find the perfect phrasing to properly denigrate Kamala Harris.
They don’t exactly know how to hate her yet? I mean they definitely know they hate her, they just aren’t sure why, or how to communicate it in a way that STICKS. And it’s hard because she doesn’t even remind anyone of their bitch ex-wife at all, and her cough prevention machine is concealed so perfectly into her well-fitting and attractive clothes.
“Cacklin’ Kamala Harris” just doesn't have the same ring to it as “Crooked Hillary” or “Biden Crime Family,” after all, and it doesn't begin to touch “Meatball Ron” or the “Old Crow.”
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Plus doesn’t everyone sound a bit like a witch when they laugh? If they laugh, which Donald Trump definitely never does. I mean, who could laugh with offspring like that? Ugh, embarrassing.
Republicans are road testing insults and concepts by sending them off into the void like the world’s worst interstellar beacon. I can’t remember-is she a scheming harpy (successful woman) or a wanton harlot (sexually active woman)? Let me know which saggy old trope you all decide on: Kamala Harris is a bitter cat lady! Pause. Pause. Pause. Does this spark anything? Who’s with me? Anyone? Hello, Tokyo?
Dearhearts, there are only a hundred or so days left until the election, better get crackin’!
In the desperate search to find a disparaging message that resonates, here are a few sad trombones that give me a full body cringe.
1. Rep. Tim Burchett referring to Kamala Harris as “the DEI Vice President.” First picture me googling “Is Tim Burchett A Real Person,” then being disappointed to learn the answer is yes. DEI Vice President. No. Even Former House Speaker Kevin McCarthy thinks this is a dumb insult, and that guy knows dumb.
2. J.D. Vance implying that women (miserable cat ladies) without biological children don't have a stake in... the future and therefore should not... hold public office? Do I have this right? I was trying to type this sentence without throwing up, but I was unable, so my cat had to fill in for me. I hope she did a good job!. This is just. I just. What vision this man has. What panache. Is there a way I can go back in time and un-read that awful book? Thank goodness I pilfered it from a Free Library.
3. The Republican Senatorial Committee sending out oppo research on Harris that includes her wanting to ban plastic straws and… liking Venn diagrams? A Venn diagram of that insight and the word stupid would simply be a singular circle.
4. And are we really going back to the birtherism well once again? Always awkward when Pop-pop repeats himself in front of company.
Watching them workshop these flaccid concepts in real time is clearly not working, and I am here for every bit of it. I can practically smell the effort all the way over here in my Ivory Tower, and it’s musky and unappealing, like the flat Diet Mountain Dew this guy apparently can’t get enough of. Keep it coming.
And please clap.
