Saturday Night Live pulled a classic bait-and-switch with its latest cold open Saturday. After setting the scene for a comedic retelling of the resurrection of Jesus, Donald Trump (played by James Austin Johnson) came crashing out of the tomb like the Kool-Aid Man.
“That’s right, it’s Easter,” the former president announced. “That time of year when I compare myself to Jesus Christ. That’s just a thing I do now and people seem to be OK with it.”
The sketch then proceeded to take a series of shots at Trump’s latest money-making scheme: selling Bibles for a whopping $60.
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“Look at this beautiful Bible, made from 100 percent Bible,” Johnson’s Trump marveled. “As you know, I love Bible. It’s my favorite book. I’ve definitely read it. My favorite part is probably the ending. It all wraps up. But this is a very special Bible. And it can be yours for the high, high price of $60.”
But Trump swears his new Bible salesman gig isn’t about making money.
“I’m doing this for the glory of God,” he said. “And for pandering and mostly for money.”
But it wouldn’t be a true Trump sales pitch without the hard sell, and that came when he mentioned all the additional accessories that come with his “new, and I would definitely say better Bible… It comes with everything you like from Bible, like the story of Easter, which primarily concerns Jesus, not so much the bunny. I kept waiting for the bunny to show up—you never know.”
Like his popular digital trading cards, the Trump Bible also has some remarkable artwork, including illustrations of Moses floating down a river in a basket… followed by Trump floating down a river in Moses’ basket.
Another photo features a jacked Trump (which he swears is his actual body) in the Garden of Eden, which led the presumptive GOP presidential nominee to conclude that he’d “be very good at saying no to the snake, from the standpoint of not liking fruit.”
Trump closed out his pitch by proving his love of the Good Book by reciting the Lord’s Prayer: “Our father who are in heaven, hallowed beep beep, bing bing, bing bing bong. Bing bong bing bing bing, trespass daily bread. And please lead us into temptation… In the name of the father, the son and the Easter Bunny.”
