While it should be “blindingly obvious to anyone with clear eyes and a conscience” that the United States has more gun deaths than any other country because we have way more guns, the “craven ghouls who refuse to even acknowledge America’s gun crisis” have other ideas about how to stop mass shootings, Seth Meyers explained Thursday night.
The Late Night host was specifically talking about Republican Senator Ted Cruz of Texas, who in the same Fox News appearance the night before both accused Texas gubernatorial candidate Beto O’Rourke of “empty political posturing” and suggested eliminating doors as the best way to stop school shootings.
“I’m sorry, you don’t want gun control, but you want door control?!” an incredulous Meyers asked, before adding that fire marshals might have some concerns about Cruz’s one-door policy. “Because famously nothing bad has even happened when there’s only one way in and one way out of a crowded building!”
ADVERTISEMENT
As for Cruz’s criticism of O’Rourke, Meyers said, “I’m sorry, Ted Cruz is accusing someone else of pulling a stunt? This is the same guy who read Green Eggs and Ham on the Senate floor, released a campaign ad where he used a machine gun to fry bacon, and posted a video of himself lurking in the bushes at the Rio Grande like he was auditioning for a role on Duck Dynasty.”
Taking on the persona of a BBC nature show narrator, the host intoned, “A rare sighting of the bearded coward indigenous to these parts until he makes his flight south for the winter”—a reference to Cruz fleeing for the Four Seasons in Cancun while his state was facing its worst energy crisis in years.
And finally, there was the “stunning exchange” in which Cruz fled a British interviewer who simply wanted an explanation for why mass school shootings only happen in America.
“Man, look at him run away,” Meyers said after playing the extended clip. “I bet he was thankful that place had more than one door.”
For more, listen and subscribe to The Last Laugh podcast.
