After a week off, Saturday Night Live returned with a cold-open spoof of PBS NewsHour, as Heidi Gardner’s Judy Woodruff questioned a trio of unhinged Republican candidates hoping to make the U.S. Senate: Georgia’s Herschel Walker (Kenan Thompson), Pennsylvania’s (or really New Jersey’s) Dr. Oz (Mikey Day), and Arizona’s Kari Lake (Cecily Strong).
“A second woman has now claimed you paid for her abortion, and your ex-wife has said you once held a gun to your head,” Woodruff asked Walker. “Why are millions of Georgia residents still voting for you?”
“Gas,” the ex-football player replied, adding, “I’m fun! Look, if you want to get on the jumbotron at the Falcons game, you don’t throw on a cardigan and start making sense! You take your shirt off and shake your belly around! That’s what I’m doing, and people love me no matter what.”
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He continued, “Like the great Trump Donald said, I could pay for an abortion in the middle of Fifth Avenue and not lose any votes!”
Next came Dr. Oz. When asked how he closed the gap with his opponent, John Fetterman, who is recovering from a stroke, he replied, “Let’s remember: I was a long shot, Judy, but I always told myself, you can win this election if you’re honest, if you’re fair, and if your opponent has a debilitating medical emergency. So, we’re very lucky.”
As for Kari Lake’s appeal, the former newscaster and Obama supporter reasoned, “Because I’m normal, Judy. I’m just a regular hometown gal, constantly in soft focus, and lit like a ’90s Cinemax softcore. And frankly, I’ve just clicked with the many wonderful, terrified elderly people here in Arizona, the Florida of the West. Also, I’m a fighter. In my life, I’ve sent back over 2,000 salads, and I’m not afraid to do the same thing with democracy.”
When pressed about her rampant election denialism, Lake interrupted, “Can you media types just get over the one thing I’ve made the center of my campaign for months and months? Arizonans want to talk about the issues that affect them, like crime in New York or crime in Detroit. And the most pressing issue: drag queen story time. Men dressed as loud, sassy women introducing children to the joys of reading? Not on my watch!”
The only inspired performance of the three candidates came from Strong, who imbued Lake with a streak of self-righteous creepiness. Given the fount of crazy news this week, however, the cold open was mundane and uninspired.
