“Guys, I gotta be honest,” Colin Jost said at the top of “Weekend Update” on this week’s Saturday Night Live. “I’m beginning to think that Donald Trump didn’t win this election.”
Noting that the Trump campaign lost two bids to overturn the will of the American voters at the highest level this past week, the anchor joked, “They were the first rulings by the Supreme Court that were just the eye-roll emoji.”
“But don’t worry, Trump isn’t throwing in the towel, because he’s been a fighter his whole life,” Jost continued. “At least that’s what it looks like on his brain scans.”
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While the media keeps claiming that “this time it’s over,” Jost insisted, “Nothing is over as long as Donald Trump can make money on it. Even when he dies his tombstone is just going to have his Venmo on it.”
“Also he’s a billionaire and he keeps asking supporters for like $5,” he added. “Isn’t that just sad? It’s like saying, ‘For the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can help a desperate old man pretend he’s still president.”
Michael Che, meanwhile, took things in an even grimmer direction. “The Texas lawsuit asked the Supreme Court to invalidate election results in four other states,” he said, “which is a plan so crazy only Texans would try to execute it.”
Later, Che reported that Attorney General Bill Barr, who he compared to an “all-grown-up Eric Cartman,” is considering resigning after a “contentious” meeting with President Trump. “Because if there’s one thing Bill Barr won’t stand for, it’s… more than a few minutes at a time.”
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