The Internet is a wonderfully weird place.
Arm people with a cloak of anonymity and a shield of non-accountability, and watch the cavalcade of crazy charge. And no time is their assault as strong as when they’re speculating over something they have absolutely no legitimate knowledge of, namely why Solange Knowles violently attacked her brother-in-law, Jay Z, in an elevator after the Met Gala while her sister, Beyoncé, looked on.
After video of the elevator skirmish Monday, tabloids and gossip sites clamored to assign a motive to Solange’s violent outburst, with a popular theory, bolstered by reliably anonymous sourcing, being that Solange was angry that Jay Z was going to attend Rihanna’s after party without his wife. Is that true? Who knows. But it’s certainly eons more rational sounding that lunatic conspiracy theories that are floating around in the deep, dark recesses of the Internet.
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Go spelunking through the caves of trolls, rumor-mongers, and anonymous commenters deep enough and you’ll find speculation about biological maternity, bipolar disorder, and more playing a part in the elevator fight. We’ve rounded out the craziest of the conspiracy theories for your entertainment, but because they’re silly and fun, not because we give any credence to their crackpot logic and likely made-up evidence.
In other words, enjoy!
Beyoncé is actually Solange’s mother
Could you imagine?
This theory is just so great. So ludicrous, and so great. The theory goes that Beyoncé is not actually 32 years old and her 27-year-old sister Solange is actually not her sister. Someone in the blogosphere—these sources are always an unnamed “someone”—claims to have worked at the Department of Health in Texas, where Beyoncé and Solange hail from, and have unearthed Beyoncé’s birth certificate, which apparently shows her birth year to be 1974 and not 1981. That would make Bey 40 years old.
This idea is “substantiated,” to use that word the most loosely it’s ever been used, by the hunch that Beyoncé’s always looked older than her age and comments made by actress Gabrielle Union, who was born in 1972, that she and Beyoncé were friends “as teenagers.”
Then there’s hilarious game of Internet telephone: Somebody once told somebody else that Beyoncé’s cousin told them that, aside from being eight years older than we thought, Beyoncé actually gave birth to Solange when she was 12 or 13, and her parents raised the baby to save face. This is some straight-up Days of Our Lives nonsense, which is to say that it is fun to entertain, but only as pure ridiculousness. When the elevator video leaked Monday, people on Twitter resurfaced the whole “Solange is Beyoncé’s daughter” nonsense in an attempt to link Solange’s outburst to some sort of deep-seeded, buried family drama. After all, haven’t we all witnessed daughters throw temper tantrums in elevators in front of their mothers?
Solange is actually Blue Ivy’s mother
Let’s all take an acid trip back down memory lane, and recall those out-of-their-damned-minds conspiracy theorists who spent 36 weeks trying to prove that Beyoncé was faking her pregnancy—as if, in this day and age, a celebrity of Beyoncé’s status with the constant swarm of people around her would be able to pull such a thing off.
There was the weird way that her stomach folded when she sat down on the Australian talk show, her baby bump scrunching. There was the fact that she rented out an entire floor of a hospital in order to give birth. People wondered what was she hiding from anyone who would occupy the floor’s other rooms. That she wasn’t actually giving birth?
Believers of that wackadoo Beyoncé-was-never-really-pregnant theory also speculate that Solange is the child’s actual mother. This theory is so convoluted and specific—it’s amazing. Basically a “source” (naturally, it’s an unnamed “source”) said that Beyoncé was having fertility issues and needed to seek the help of a surrogate. Solange donated one of her eggs to be fertilized by Jay Z’s sperm and planted in the surrogate. Further (extremely unconvincing proof) of this: Solange and Blue Ivy look a lot alike (uhhh, they’re related, of course they do) and one time an eyewitness saw Blue Ivy run to Jay Z when she was having a tantrum and recoil when Beyoncé offered to coddle her. Seriously.
In any case, the leak of the elevator video led Twitter—obviously—to bring this all back up again and speculate that Solange’s outburst was related to the care of her biological daughter, Blue Ivy.
Beyoncé leaked the video
Solange has been candid about suffering from depression in the past, and when she canceled her European tour last summer, she released a statement that she made the decision because it was best for her “mental/physical health.” The statement surfaced whispers that Solange suffered from a mood disorder, and medication she was on was being adjusted, making it more difficult for her to control her erratic moods. (“Whispers” in this case, means “unsubstantiated and probably made up rumors.”)
In any case, after Solange went H.A.M. on Jay Z at the Met Gala, those same “whisperers” began speculating that Beyoncé actually leaked the video of the meltdown herself in order to shame Solange into seeking professional help for her mental issues, citing a “well-connected industry source.”
Solange felt dissed by Jay Z
One theory that makes sense in a broad, human, she-may-think-about-this-a-lot kind of way, is that Solange lashed out at Jay Z because she’s angry that he didn’t keep a promise he may or may not have made to help her career. Of course, this theory makes sense as the answer to a question like, “Why is Solange holding a grudge against Jay Z?” and not really to, “Why did Solange violently attack Jay Z in an elevator seemingly unprovoked for three full minutes.”
According to more of those infamous “sources,” Solange “wants a major career like her sister and she’s tired of living in her shadow.” Apparently Jay had promised to help her reach a new level of fame, but got busy. That’s when the “source” added, with some endearing histrionic drama, “Enough was enough for Solange!” Oh my! Solange had had enough! So she beat the crap out of Jay Z at a very public high-fashion event! (Sorry, “source,” still not buying it.)
However, if this theory is true, and that’s a major if, it certainly makes this blind item that was posted on the entertainment blog Crazy Days and Nights all the more interesting.
“The Wendy Theory”
Never change, Wendy Williams:
