Stacey Dash, best known for her role as Dionne, Cher’s partner in crime in ‘Clueless,’ endorsed Mitt Romney for president on Twitter. But who would the movie’s characters vote for: Obama or Romney?
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While Cher is a spoiled Valley Girl whose fortress of solitude is the mall, she is also, as we learn during the course of the film, more than just “a ditz with a credit card.” In addition to helping two lonely teachers find romance, she aids a fundraising drive for the Pismo Beach disaster. But in one of the film’s most memorable moments, she also gives a rousing pro-immigration speech in front of her debate class that closes with, “It does not say RSVP on the Statue of Liberty!”
Verdict: Obama
When he’s not listening to Radiohead, flirting with Cher, or growing a goatee, Josh, played by Paul Rudd, is, much to his stepsister’s chagrin, ingesting the news—on CNN. He’s a college sophomore and a hardcore liberal who wants to get into environmental law and lights up when he talks about getting “Marky Mark-ed” and “planting a celebrity tree.” Josh is the type of person who probably would write in Ralph Nader but, due to his rabid environmentalism, if given the chance to choose between Obama or Romney, he’d definitely spring for the former.
Verdict: Obama
While the real Dionne—actress Stacey Dash—is Team Romney, her character’s pick for president is a bit tougher to negotiate. Yes, Dionne is an incredibly rich girl who loves gaudy hats (and purses that look like a skinned Collie). Dionne is, like Dash, part African-American, so the odds are in Obama’s favor there. But she’s also a virgin and virgins, according to a certain polls, seem to skew Romney. Unlike Cher, Dionne seems to be more selfish and materialistic (perhaps because all of her non-shopping time is monopolized by her immature boyfriend, Murray), and a tax cut for her affluent parents means more spending money at the mall, so …
Verdict: Romney
Tai has a far more liberal attitude when it comes to sex than her girlfriends, having even “done it in water” and is an emo skater-girl type who draws a killer cartoon of Marvin the Martian and smokes weed on the regular. She also, after a personality crisis of sorts, ends up with skater boy Travis Birkenstock because they mesh well. She seems to come from more humble beginnings than the other Valley Girls at Bronson Alcott High School (it’s the spoiled Elton’s rationale for not being interested in her, after all). Plus, she’d probably just copy what Cher did, anyway.
Verdict: Obama
While polling is indicating that Jews favor Obama over Romney (by a wide margin), Mel is a rich litigator who charges $500 an hour to “fight with people.” He thinks Josh will have “a miserable, frustrating life” if he decides to go into environmental law and, if his threat to Christian is accurate, he owns a .45 pistol. Mel lives in the decidedly blue state of California, but as a member of the 1 percent, would certainly dig a tax break. He does have to foot the bill for Cher’s outrageous shopping addiction, after all.
Verdict: Romney
Amber is a paragon of Angeleno tackiness, sporting “designer-impostor perfume” (Cher’s words) and a plethora of truly hideous outfits. When Tai first arrives to the school, the decidedly rich Amber mocks her for wearing a flannel and jeans, saying, “She could be a farmer in those clothes.” She also has a plastic surgeon, which manages to get her out of participating in gym class. But Amber’s disdain for Tai’s lower-middle-class background, as well as her raging materialism, screams Team Romney.
Verdict: Romney
AQUARIUS
Christian is the school stud and, Cher believes, the man for her. He drives a classic car, listens to Billie Holiday, loves the oeuvre of Tony Curtis—in particular, Some Like It Hot and Spartacus—and smirks when private parties featuring the smooth sounds of the Mighty Mighty Bosstones have the nerve to charge for brewskies. Eventually, Cher discovers that Christian is, in the words of Murray, “a disco-dancing, Oscar Wilde-reading, Streisand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy”—or in other words: he’s gay.
Verdict: Obama
Elton is “a snob-and-a-half” as far as Cher’s concerned. While he is the most popular guy in school, and apparently has a major thing for the Irish rock band the Cranberries, he is a spoiled, cardigan-loving brat who rejects Tai purely on the basis of her lower-middle-class upbringing (they don’t “make sense” because she’s poor, says Elton, whereas the coupling of Cher and him does). He’s also a total creep, purposely dropping a card from his mouth when they play “suck-and-blow” so he can kiss Cher, and then later, molesting her in his car and, when she rejects his advances, deserting her at a gas station in the middle of nowhere, leading to her being robbed at gunpoint. Yikes.
Verdict: Romney
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Travis is a skater-stoner with a major thing for Tai. He’s always tardy for school—thanks to his local bus driver and McDonald’s slow preparation of their Egg McMuffins—and has a tendency to crowd-surf at parties. Later on in the film, Travis enters a 12-step program, quitting weed and donating his bong to the Pismo Beach disaster relief. As a “loadie,” Travis probably would get too stoned and forget about voting on Election Day but, if he did make it to the voting booth, he’d be Team Obama. After all, I don’t think an extreme sports dude like Birkenstock would respect the fact that Romney rides on the back of a Jet-Ski.
Verdict: Obama
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As the debate class instructor at Bronson Alcott High, Mr. Hall is a total hardass, delivering the lowest grades to his students in school. Due to Cher and Dionne’s matchmaking skills, he eventually falls for Ms. Geist, a rabid environmentalist, and the two get married at the end of the film. Mr. Hall seems to have a soft spot for women—and women’s bodies—in general. When Cher claims she was late for class because she was “surfing the crimson wave” and “had to haul ass to the ladies” Mr. Hall replies, “I assume you’re referring to women’s problems, in which case I’ll let that one slide.” The Romney-Ryan camp, meanwhile, aren’t too keen on women’s rights—especially reproductive rights.
Verdict: Obama
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While Ms. Geist isn’t big on vanity, usually sporting messy hair and more lipstick on her teeth than on her lips, she’s very passionate when it comes to the environment. She heads the Pismo Beach disaster relief and is always lecturing her students on pollution. Mitt Romney, meanwhile, has mocked Obama repeatedly for his global-warming stance, believing it to be a farce, and doesn’t really seem to give a damn about the environment in general, telling NBC’s Meet the Press, “I'm not in this race to slow the rise of the oceans or to heal the planet.”
Verdict: Obama
Murray is a baggy-pants wearing clown who calls his girlfriend “Woman,” explaining that “street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily in misogynistic undertones.” He calls Christian a “cake-boy” so doesn’t really seem to be too pro-gay. But let’s face it: Murray is doing whatever Dionne tells him to, which means he’s voting Romney.
Verdict: Romney
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