A wholly unnecessary Step Up Revolution is in theaters. From a fifth Pirates of the Caribbean film to a fourth Austin Powers, see Hollywood’s most tired movie series.
By Marlow Stern
Directed by rom-com expert Anne Fletcher (The Proposal), Step Up took many audiences by surprise when it hit theaters in 2006. A bizarre hybrid of Flashdance and Save the Last Dance, the film tells the tale of Tyler Gage (Channing Tatum) who, after vandalizing a performing-arts school and receiving a community-service sentence, channels his adolescent anger into dance with the help of a rising star, Nora Clark (Jenna Dewan). The film was the best kind of guilty pleasure, deftly combining its outrageous dance sequences, steamy chemistry between its two co-stars—who are now married to each other—and its melodramatic urban elements. Each subsequent film in the Step Up franchise, however, offered diminishing returns and less and less star power; which brings us to Step Up Revolution, the fourth film in the Step Up series, which has the look of a direct-to-video feature. It even boasts a controversial scene—in the wake of the massacre in Aurora, Colo.—of dancers bursting into a party armed with gas masks and gas grenades and threatening guests. Yikes.
Filmmaker Oren Peli’s 2007 psychological horror film was the little film that could. Made on a shoestring budget of $15,000, it was acquired by Paramount at the Slamdance Film Festival—Sundance’s far less formidable cousin—and eventually went on to earn nearly $194 million worldwide, making it one of the most profitable films ever. The original movie’s premise: a young couple is convinced they’re haunted by a demonic entity, so they set up a camera to document their troubles, and the audience is then treated to the “found footage” from the camera. In Blair Witch fashion, the movie appealed to the voyeurism of the YouTube generation. Unlike Blair Witch, however, the franchise didn’t put itself to bed after a silly sequel (see: Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2). So now audiences who still haven’t tired of the “found-footage” premise can cough up 15 bucks to see Paranormal Activity 3—a prequel to Paranormal Activity 2 (which was a prequel to the original Paranormal Activity), where a terrifying spirit haunts two girls in the late 1980s. Of the film, critic Roger Ebert wrote, “Inexplicably, there are people who still haven't had enough of these movies. The first was a nifty novelty. Now the appeal has worn threadbare.”
A hackneyed cross between Mrs. Doubtfire and Eddie Murphy's Nutty Professor remake, Big Momma's House was released in 2000 to generally negative reviews. Nevertheless, it was a surprise hit at the box office, earning just south of $174 million worldwide. Martin Lawrence stars as an FBI agent who assumes the identity of an overweight, Southern senior citizen in order to get closer to her granddaughter (Nia Long), the ex-girlfriend and believed accomplice of a prison escapee (Terrence Howard). The sequel, Big Momma’s House 2, was family-friendly fluff, and Rotten Tomatoes ranked it No. 80 among the Worst 100 Reviewed Films of the 2000s, with an aggregated rating of 6 percent. The third film, Big Momma’s: Like Father, Like Son, hit theaters back in February, and featured not one but two hefty ladies—the other being Lawrence’s character’s stepson—and a subplot in which a kooky janitor with a thing for plus-size women pursues Big Momma. The Guardian’s review of the latest in the trilogy had this to say: “If Big Momma 4 comes out—well, that would be the time to make the booking with Dignitas and get the easyJet flights to Zurich."
When Mike Myers’ horny, outrageously flamboyant creation Austin Powers was introduced in 1997, it was seen as a delightfully witty parody of the James Bond franchise. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery provided a fine showcase for the former Saturday Night Live star's randy brand of humor, allowing him to assume two roles: Powers, and the bald, pinky-to-mouth villain Dr. Evil, which paid homage to his idol, Peter Sellers. The movie went on to become a cult hit, with The New York Times claiming, “The film’s single-mindedness is so dauntless and just plain nutty that it’s hard to resist.” The 1999 sequel, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, still retained some of the original’s charm, but introduced the incredibly ridiculous Fat Bastard, a disgruntled, huge, Scottish henchman. In 2002, the third installment, Austin Powers in Goldmember, was released to mediocre reviews. It boasted the franchise’s flimsiest plot, the stupidest villain (who eats his own skin and talks to his armpits), Beyoncé struggling through her first movie role, and an overwhelmingly desperate number of celebrity cameos, including Tom Cruise and John Travolta. Nevertheless, the recently hitched Myers may outdo himself—he says the fourth Austin Powers installment is “on track,” with a rumored 2013 release date.
The original film in the franchise, 2004’s Saw, was made on a microbudget of $1.2 million and opens with two perceived strangers—a photographer and an oncologist—who awaken chained to pipes at opposites ends of a grotesque bathroom. Lying between them is a bag with a couple of handsaws and a corpse holding a revolver in one hand and a microcassette recorder in the other. The two learn that the Jigsaw Killer placed them there to atone for their sins, and, in order to escape, they must either kill the other, or give themselves the 127 Hours treatment. And surprisingly, it’s not a typical blood bath—it boasted some suspenseful sequences involving a pair of detectives and a somewhat inspired—albeit flawed—philosophy on rehabilitation via shock and awe. Nonetheless, Saw paved the way for an impressive six sequels, and fast transformed into a mindless, deplorable torture-porn franchise, depicting increasingly elaborate ways a booby trap can dismember the human body. The latest—and alleged final—film in the series, Saw 3D, was released last October, and led the Los Angeles Times to say, “Whereas the first Saw got marks for originality, the filmmakers have so lost their fastballs that this one’s extreme gore provokes either laughter or sleep.”
Oscar-winning filmmaker James Cameron set his 1984 action flick in an all-too-probable dystopia where the human race has been nearly vanquished by machines. The Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a cyborg assassin sent back through time to kill Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) before she gives birth to John Connor, the leader of the human resistance. And in 1991’s Terminator 2: Judgment Day, the Terminator is reprogrammed to protect Connor from a liquid-metal assassin. Cameron’s contributions were two of the most inspired sci-fi films, boasting a cohesive vision of the future, expertly filmed action sequences, and Schwarzenegger at his best. Judgment Day ended the story perfectly, with the Terminator sacrificing himself, destroying all existing Terminators and reversing the course of history. Then, unfortunately, came 2003’s Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. Cameron refused to produce the third installment because he felt the story was completed already and Schwarzenegger presumably only took part for the +eported $29.25 million salary (plus 20 percent of the profits). McG’s prequel, Terminator Salvation, was released in 2009 and is best remembered for Christian Bale’s epic on-set tirade. Now that Schwarzenegger has left California’s governor’s mansion, survived a sex scandal, and returned to the acting game, there is talk of a fifth Terminator film.
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When it was revealed that Disney was developing a film based on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at its theme parks, critics were skeptical. However, the first entry in this swashbuckling franchise, 2003’s Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, was a blast, thanks to the comic talents of Geoffrey Rush as the evil Captain Barbossa and, of course, Johnny Depp as the slurring, Keith Richards–inspired pirate Captain Jack Sparrow. Then-up-and-comers Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom made for nice ornaments as well in what The New Yorker called “the best spectacle of the summer.” The role even earned Johnny Depp an Oscar nomination for Best Actor—a rare feat for a comedic performance. Two sequels later, the comedy had been Kraken-ed out of the series, which has become awash in wanton CGI. A fourth film, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, hit theaters last summer, grossing over a billion dollars worldwide despite its lackluster plot and paper-thin characters. And, according to the Huffington Post, a fifth Pirates film is in the works, meaning more “stupid money” for Depp and more eye-rolling from those that know better.
Hollywood filmmaker Brett Ratner’s 1998 formulaic buddy-cop comedy proved to be an entertaining, lightweight romp, thanks to the good-natured chemistry between its stars, Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker. Slate critic David Edelstein aptly called Rush Hour “a terrific piece of junk filmmaking.” The movie follows a Hong Kong detective (Chan) who teams up with an LAPD officer (Tucker) to solve a kidnapping case for the Chinese consulate in Los Angeles. In 2001 Ratner brought out Rush Hour 2 and things started to get dicey. With the cross-cultural humor well running dry, Tucker puts his obnoxiousness into overdrive, becoming completely unbearable. The action scenes are listless, and not even supporting roles from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’s Zhang Ziyi or the reliable Don Cheadle could spice things up. After being stuck in development for six years, Rush Hour 3 finally hit screens in 2007 and despite the casting coup of getting exiled filmmaker Roman Polanski to play a French police official; the Paris-set film was a complete mess. It’s jam-packed with crude, bordering-on-racist humor and The New York Times called it a “junky, clunky, grimly unfunny follow-up.” Still, Rush Hour 3 performed well at the box office, and Ratner has been developing a fourth film in the series, supposedly set in Moscow.
For 1999’s American Pie, directors and brothers Paul and Chris Weitz cleverly recalibrated the Farrelly brothers’ gross-out comedy formula. The movie follows four high-school seniors who make a pact to lose their virginity before graduation. The performances were heartfelt, the gags were funny, and the film captured the teenage troubles of negotiating the relationship between sexual conquest and social acceptance. Then came the sequel, 2001’s American Pie 2, which had no real story (or meaning), other than to provide a forum for some truly lame gags—including the de facto loser’s (Jason Biggs) superglue and masturbation debacle. By the time American Wedding came around in 2003, Seann William Scott’s wacko frat boy character Steve Stifler became the focal point. Salon called it a franchise that “is exactly the kind of movie that gives sequels a bad name.” Nevertheless, American Wedding grossed more than $230 million at the worldwide box office, and a fourth helping of Pie, featuring the original cast, was released on April 6 to mediocre reviews and tepid box office.
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, the third film in Steven Spielberg's franchise, brought some genuinely fun action sequences and the long-awaited exploration of the dynamic between Jones (Harrison Ford) and his father (Sean Connery) in 1989. But then came 2008’s Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. It took two decades to bring this much-ballyhooed fourth Indiana Jones film to the screen; going through multiple script revisions and writers before finally landing on David Koepp’s screenplay. Still, the result was a mess. The fourth film starred Shia LaBeouf as Jones’s greasy, motorcycle-riding sidekick son, Cate Blanchett as a villainous Soviet agent, and a seemingly unmotivated Harrison Ford, who presumably did the movie for the $65 million payday. Obviously, it could have been better. A vastly improved draft of the script from Frank Darabont (The Shawshank Redemption) leaked online, omitting Shia LaBeouf’s silly character entirely. Apparently Spielberg loved Darabont’s draft, but executive producer George Lucas didn’t. Now, according to Ford, they’re in the process of developing Indiana Jones 5.
Since Hollywood is adapting virtually every family-friendly property into a franchise these days, why not this animated music group comprised of anthropomorphic woodland creatures? Watching this 2007 semi-animated family comedy, you almost feel sorry for its talented comedic stars: Jason Lee, Justin Long, and David Cross. The 2009 sequel—painfully titled Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel— brought in rival all-girl chipmunk music group the Chipettes, who square off against the Chipmunks for singing-squirrel supremacy. Time Out New York wrote, “Blending CGI and live action, this ‘squeakquel’ to the witless 2007 kids’ film proves just how dangerous technology is when placed in the wrong hands.” And yes, another sequel was released last December entitled Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked. If the sequel itself wasn’t enough of a shameless cash grab, the film was also in 3-D.
