Stephen Colbert taped his show before polls closed on Tuesday night so he couldn’t report who won. “But in this year’s GOP primaries, it’s safe to say, some crazy motherfucker,” he said in his Late Show monologue.
The host zeroed in on Missouri’s Republican Senate primary race, which as of his show’s airing had already been called for that state’s attorney general Eric Schmitt, beating out ex-Governor Eric Greitens, who appeared to be trailing in a distant third.
As Colbert explained, “Both of these guys are MAGA candidates,” and both were seeking Donald Trump’s endorsement up to the last minute.
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“Establishment Republicans desperately wanted the former president to endorse Eric Schmitt because, A, he was leading in the polls, and B, Eric Greitens resigned from the governorship in disgrace after serious sexual-assault allegations,” he continued. “In fact, he’s got so much baggage that Missouri Republicans are running attack ads against Greitens, their own candidate, in an attempt to secure the nomination for a less controversial Republican candidate.”
“Yikers!” Colbert added. “How awful do you have to be these days to be cut loose by the Republicans? That’s like being told you’re too insane for the Manson family.”
Of course, Trump decided to leave the race in the hands of Missouri voters by simply endorsing “ERIC” and letting the two candidates both claim that he was supporting them.
“Oh, how clever, bravo,” Colbert said with a sarcastic clap. “He couldn’t decide, so he gave it to both of them. Just like his marriage vows: ‘Therefore, I do solemnly pledge my complete and total loyalty to WOMAN.’”
In the end, the host joked that Trump “could have been endorsing any Eric, except one…” before putting up a photo of the former president’s son.
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