“Folks, there was some bad news recently for extreme right-wing conspiracy theorist and bath salts spokesmodel, Alex Jones,” Stephen Colbert told his viewers Tuesday night, “because it looks like his website Infowars just lost their war on info.”
As the Late Show host explained, Jones was finally kicked off of several major online platforms this week, including Apple, YouTube and Facebook. “So now if you want to see one of Jones’ signature rants, you’ll have to be in the next booth at Ruby Tuesday’s when he sees a mother breastfeeding,” Colbert joked. “Fun side note: Pinterest also took down their Infowars page, which is bad news if you were planning an autumn wedding with the theme ‘gay frog chemtrails.’”
“So why now? Why did this happen now?” Colbert asked. “Alex Jones has been spreading vile conspiracy theories that hurt real people for years. Well, Jones earned this latest scrutiny when he addressed Russia investigation Special Counsel Robert Mueller on his show, imitated firing a gun, and said, ‘You’re going to get it, or I’m going to die trying.’ OK, that is awful, but it’s actually pretty close to my message to Mueller: ‘You’re going to get him, or I’m going to die crying.’”
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Then, reviving an Alex Jones-inspired character he first debuted last April, Colbert presented the latest dispatch from Brain Fight’s Tuck Buckford, who has been facing “similar struggles.”
“All right, listen up, Brain Fight nation, the Brain Fighters, the Brain Nation, the skull meat, let’s talk about the elephant in the room,” Buckford said. “The martyrdom of old Tuck Buckford at the hands of Silicon Valley snow boys and soy flakes.” After being kicked off every known social platform, he explained, “I’m still broadcasting from the nation’s last bastion of free speech, the in-house web player on the homepage for Haterade, the knock-off sports drink for athletic Klansmen.”
“Now, it’s a slippery slope. If they can de-platform Tuck Buckford, next thing you know they’ll be coming after me for so-called child support which I ‘owe’ to my ‘ex-wife’ who I ‘miss desperately,’” he said. Then, echoing Alex Jones’ pleas to the president for help, he added, “President Trump, I need you to do the right thing, all right? Help Tuck. Venmo me fifty bucks, or China will win the midterms.”
