After briefly mentioning Donald Trump’s alleged affair with porn star Stormy Daniels earlier in the week, Stephen Colbert took a deep dive into the story Wednesday night. And now that InTouch magazine revealed a treasure trove of details about the relationship, he had a lot more to talk about.
Quoting The Daily Beast’s exclusive preview of the bombshell interview with Daniels, Colbert noted that the magazine “also verified Daniels’ account with two sources at the time and had the actress take a polygraph.” As the host joked, “Wow, maybe InTouch magazine should lead the Russia investigation.”
As readers learned, Trump showed up for their first date in sweatpants and suggested eating dinner in the bedroom. “Even back then he was preparing for the presidency,” Colbert added. “And brace yourself, folks, because Stormy said Trump also paid her his highest compliment for a lover.”
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“He told me once that I was someone to be reckoned with, beautiful, smart, just like his daughter,” Daniels told the magazine. After reading that quote aloud, Colbert had to breathe into a paper bag to avoid vomiting.
“Quick question: Can child-protection services take custody of an adult woman?” he asked.
Colbert also wasn’t buying the detail that Trump got Daniels “in the mood” by showing him a magazine cover with his face on it. “I’m sorry, that’s how he got himself in the mood.”
The most damaging part of the article for the president—besides the basic fact that he was allegedly cheating on his wife just a few months after their son Barron was born—is the quote from Daniels about his performance. The words she used? “Textbook generic.”
“That textbook? Mating Habits of Elderly Mammals,” Colbert added.
