“Tomorrow marks one month since the election, and the president has spent that entire time throwing a loud, pants-filling tantrum,” Stephen Colbert said at the top of his Late Show monologue Wednesday night. “If we don’t change presidents soon, he’s going to get a rash.”
He was talking about the insane 46-minute video Donald Trump posted online earlier in the day in which he continued refusing to accept the reality that he lost to Joe Biden. “Today around 4 o’clock eastern crazy time, the president posted a conspiracy theory-filled rant on Facebook,” Colbert told viewers. “No press, no questions. not even the mediating lower third graphics of cable news. Just uncut, blue flake crazy packed into a straw and blown right into the brainstem of the kamikaze MAGA dead-enders.”
Trump began by declaring, “This may be the most important speech I’ve ever made.”
ADVERTISEMENT
In response, Colbert said he may have misread one word. “It may be the most impotent speech you’ve ever made,” he joked. “Because it was just another rambling mass of lies that lasted a full 46 minutes. My big complaint? He should have done this a week ago, not because he said anything worth hearing, but at least the people who cancelled a big family Thanksgiving could have pretended they were still eating with their racist uncle.”
Later, the host noted that Trump showed a “surprising amount of self-awareness,” explaining, “the president even knew how poorly his stupidity would be received.”
“Even what I’m saying now will be demeaned and disparaged, but that’s OK,” Trump acknowledged at one point.
“Well, as long as it’s OK…” Colbert said, taking a deep breath. “You’re a petty, angry man desperate for validation you will never receive and have never deserved. And in 50 days, you’ll be out of the White House, without the protections of executive power and no court is going to uphold you pardoning yourself. Plus, you’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny.”
“And here’s the thing,” he added. “All the contested states are now certified. It’s over!”
For more, listen and subscribe to The Last Laugh podcast.
