It’s the most wonderful time of the year. And by that we mean Laura Benanti’s Melania Trump is back on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert to spill everything about her very last Christmas in the White House.
As the host explained to viewers on Monday night, anticipation for the first lady’s decorations were “higher than usual this year” because just before she was diagnosed with COVID-19 her “friend” and Melania and Me author Stephanie Winston Wolkoff released secretly recorded conversations in which she “channels her inner Grinch.”
“I’m working like—my ass off—on Christmas stuff, you know?” Melania Trump could be heard saying on the tapes. “Who gives a fuck about Christmas stuff and decorations? But I need to do it, right?”
“OK, that might sound bad, but the president was right,” Colbert added. “We’re saying ‘Christmas’ again. She didn’t say, ‘Who gives a fuck about happy holiday stuff.’”
When Benanti’s Melania Trump joined him “via satellite” from the White House, Colbert began by asking about the maskless Christmas parties she and her husband have been holding during the height of the pandemic.
“Oh, who doesn’t wake up a little sick after a good party?” she asked in response. “Besides, I’ve always considered nausea a side effect of spending an evening with my husband.” As for her more traditional decorations, she explained, “After years of buying spooky decorations from the Halloween store, I finally wanted to express the real Melania. So I took these beautiful, perfectly happy trees, dragged them into the White House, and covered them in glitz so you don’t realize they’re slowly dying inside.”
The Late Show appearance was also likely the closest we’ll ever get to the first lady addressing her anti-Christmas comments. “Stephen, that was just ‘locker room talk,’” she said. “Besides, I was just quoting from my favorite Christmas carol.” From there, the Broadway star started to sing, “Who gives a fuck about Christmas? Who gives a fuck about Christmas? Who gives a fuck about Christmas stuff and decorations?”
Finally, after previewing her upcoming memoir by reading aloud from Michelle Obama’s Becoming, the first lady addressed the rumors that she “just wants to go home” as her husband fights to steal the election from President-elect Joe Biden.
“Yes, Stephen, it’s like I keep telling my husband,” she said. “Donald, it’s over. We both know it ended a while ago. Now we just need to accept that and keep going until the prenup runs out.”
Asked by Colbert what else she wants to achieve before she departs in a month, she replied, “Pardon me, Stephen?” When he repeated the question, she clarified, “No, I heard you. Before leaving the White House, I want my husband to pardon me. I can’t go to jail! I don’t want to share a cell with Kayleigh McEnany!”
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