Sure, Team USA goalie Tim Howard blocked a whopping 16 shots in the United States’ World Cup round of 16 match against Belgium on Tuesday, but how would the game’s breakout star fare inside the Matrix against a thousand flying bullets?
Against a Balrog?
An army of Wildlings, some giants, and a woolly mammoth or two?
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Oh.
Howard, a two-time World Cup veteran, ultimately did let two balls slip past—we lost the match 2-1, sealing our exit from the World Cup—but considering Howard made history by blocking more shots than any goalie since 1966, dubbing him “an American hero” or this land’s “Lord and Savior” seems totally appropriate and not an exaggeration at all.
In case you missed the game, replay this for 120 minutes. It’s basically the same thing.
If you don’t have 6 seconds, this screenshot from the game also will do the trick.
You cannot get past Tim Howard. Not on the field, not on planet Earth, not in cyberspace.
On Wednesday, the hashtag #ThingsTimHowardCouldSave took off, with all the moments in history when America and/or the universe could have really used a man of Howard’s talents. Hobby Lobby wouldn’t stand a chance.
Howard was even nominated by some wise soul to lead the country’s entire defense system, an honor bestowed the most official way Americans could imagine: by updating his Wikipedia page.
A few would have Howard take on an even higher office. Who is Hillary?
In conclusion, here’s a photo from Howard’s 2010 ESPN magazine body issue shoot. It has nothing to do with anything, but you’ll be glad you saw it anyway.
