Get ready: Every day until the election we are going to be bombarded by misleading poll numbers and predictions that focus on the popular vote rather than what matters, electoral votes. Think of it in baseball terms: electoral votes are runs, popular votes are hits. Basically, candidates can’t leave anyone on base—and that means winning battleground states. And you can’t win a battle without a strategy, and intel.
So for the first in our Daily Beast series on these critical election states, let’s start with the single most important battleground: Pennsylvania and its 19 electoral votes.
Why Pennsylvania? I mean, beyond the fact I’m from Philadelphia. Being from Philly is like going to Harvard—it gets namedropped in the first 10 seconds of any conversation. I actually once heard a Starbucks barista ask a customer for his name to put on a cup of pumpkin spice latte and the person said “Bob, Harvard 86.” The barista said, “amazing, Harvard, Death of Western Civilization major, class of 2018.”
ADVERTISEMENT
But I digress. The reason to start with my home state is that everyone knows that whoever wins Pennsylvania wins the White House. (Except in 1796, 1824, 1884, 1892, 1912, 1916, 1932, 1948, 1968, 2000 and 2004—but let’s not quibble.) Analysts and election trackers like Nate Silver—who has created more fascinating-looking models than the creators of Botox and Ozempic—believe Pennsylvania could be 30 times more likely than, say, Minnesota to decide the election. So for those who want to truly connect with Pennsylvanians and what is likely impacting their votes this November, here are 5 essential facts to show them you understand their state.
#1 Pennsylvania’s nickname is nonsensical
Pennsylvania is called the keystone state. But because no one knows what a keystone actually is, here is how 95% of the state’s residents refer to their homeland: Philly, Pittsburgh and, in between, Alabama with trees. (And the Amish.)
#2 And so are its many odd town names
If someone from Pennsylvania says, “what do you think of Intercourse?” it is for once not an HR violation. It’s an actual location in the state—and it’s not too far from Blue Ball. It is beneath even me to do a joke here connecting the two. I just wish our forebearers had gotten dibs on French Lick, Indiana.
Political experts you see on cable news—and note there are actually two of them who have actually worked on a campaign rather than self-identifying as an “expert”—believe JD Vance will be popular in these small towns. He hunts, he fishes, and rumor has it that once, in a fit of passion, he even bit off the “Do not remove tag” on his couch.
#3 How about that interesting wildlife?
The most interesting creature in Pennsylvania lives in Jefferson County and is named Punxsutawney Phil, the weather-predicting groundhog. If he comes out of his burrow in early February, as is tradition, and sees his shadow, it means 6 more weeks of winter. If he doesn’t see his shadow, it means an early spring. And if he doesn’t come out of his burrow at all, he ends up as the chef’s special at Olga’s Diner.
#4 Only one president is a Pennsylvania native
For a state that is so important, it baffles historians that it has only been home to one president: James Buchanan. (For those who don’t remember Buchanan, he was the President who never married.) That said, Pennsylvania’s other important connection to the presidency can be found in Adams County, where Lincoln gave the shortest speech ever by a commander in chief. His Gettysburg Address was less than two minutes! And how did we reward Lincoln for giving a short memorable speech: We shot him. And to this day Kimberly Cheadle blames local law enforcement.
#5 And it’s a state famous more broadly for disasters, too
In 1889, a dam collapsed in Johnstown in Cambria County, leading to a “great flood” that killed over 2,000 people. In 1979, the Three Mile Island plant in Londonderry Township had the second biggest nuclear meltdown in history—second, that is, to the moment when Donald Trump found out he was not running against Joe Biden this year. And in 1964, the Phillies blew a 6 and a half game lead with 12 games to play. This is actually the biggest of these calamities.
Which leads me to the one thing to know if you are trying to get out the vote in the city of brotherly love. Be gentle and on guard when talking to a Philadelphian, as we are a bitter, angry people. All of us. All the time. We were once America’s biggest city and now we’re not. We were once the US Capital and now we’re not.
But we quick-to-ire people will be the difference in Pennsylvania, and therefore the difference in this election. And who better to trust to save democracy than people who, at an Eagles game, once threw snowballs at Santa.
