Below Deck Mediterranean is back in action, baby. In the ocean of new TV I must watch—the dreamy FBoy Island, Nathan Fielder’s new HBO comedy, a rewatch of Glee to remember Lea Michele’s early days pining after Funny Girl—once again, Below Deck Med has floated to the top, of utmost importance.
I watch Below Deck Med so I can gossip without any consequences, so that I can feel like I’m drifting in a sea far away from my approximately 300-square-foot apartment in NYC, and, above all, for the boatmances. Oh, to have a boatmance in the cramped cabins under the beautiful red light of a not-so-hidden camera. It’s every girl’s dream.
Luckily, Season 7 of Below Deck Med cuts straight to a boatmance in the very first episode. Right off the bat, sparks fly between Chief Stew Natasha Webb and Chef Dave White. They are awkward. They are frisky. They don’t really know how to flirt, but their libidos are high. I cannot wait to see what happens next.
(Warning: Spoilers ahead for the first two episodes of Below Deck Mediterranean, which are both available to watch on Peacock.)
Apart from Captain Sandy Yawn and deckhand Mzi Dempers, Below Deck Med has refreshed its entire cast. There’s always the chance that an Aesha or a Malia returns, but for now, we’re all stuck learning new names and picking new favorites and foes. What helps is that Natasha and Dave already know each other from earlier charters, making them seem familiar with each other, and therefore, easier to watch.
Kind of. I would not say that Natasha and Dave seem particularly comfortable with each other, as they flirt like two middle schoolers in a production of The Music Man. They know everyone is watching. They know they’re supposed to kiss. But inches away from smooching, instead they dodge each other with bizarre dirty talk.
“Do you want to screw?” she asks him early on. He chuckles like a grandfather and nods. And this isn’t a suggestive nod. This is a, “Sure, why not?” kind of nod.
“You’re going to literally like it when I’m naked,” she says at another point. Literally.
Later in the episode, Natasha goes so far as to tell the camera crew that she hates being single, she always wants a boyfriend, and that she just broke up with her most recent beau.
GUYS! You’re obviously into each other. While I’d like to shout, “Just admit it already!” at my TV, I can’t deny the fact that I’m thoroughly enjoying this mess of a Will-They-Won’t-They. I might not be a Bachelor contestant, but my flirting isn’t this bad.
The tension escalates quickly in the second episode, in which Natasha grows tired with all the antics. She wants a boatmance stat, and I can’t blame the woman. Ditching the kitchen, Natasha heads out into the light and picks up a fling on the deck. Dave is stunned. He lurks in the corners of the yacht, peeking around the walls like a nervous schoolboy stalking his crush at recess. Just talk to her, bro.
The rest of the crew is confused. Weren’t Natasha and Dave the mom and dad of the yacht? Instead of gossiping with each other or asking Natasha about the run-in, the second stews (yes, there’s two of them, waiting on that bombshell demotion!) confront Dave, who, of course, is an emotional trainwreck. Though I’d been getting frustrated with his lack of game, it turns out that Natasha is the villain.
In a confessional, Dave reveals that Natasha actually insisted that he keep quiet about their affair—because she was in a relationship when they started hooking up on the other boat. Roll credits on Episode 2. Natasha!!!
Plenty of other boatmance spectacles await us with this new season, surely. One of the stews has her eye on a “super fit” deckhand (every time a crewmember says someone looks “fit,” take a drink from your espresso martini), and another one actually makes lip-to-lip contact with a guest. Sandy’s already pissed about that. Flashbacks!
But let’s not forget the early, “you’re going to literally like it when I’m naked,” days of Natasha and Dave. Here’s hoping that their flirting never matures and their sex drive never diminishes. Too bad the pair have already unfollowed each other on Instagram.
