If you’ve, somehow, spent this season of Vanderpump Rules thinking Tom Sandoval’s being handed a golden edit, Bravo’s here this week to hit you over the head with a reminder he’s a doofus. The resident sulker is handed opportunity after opportunity to re-enter the fray with his castmates this week, but alas, his pride is just too strong, further damaging his relationships with Scheana, Katie, and even a resurrected Jax Taylor. There’s no fun in a villain with his tail between his legs, anyway.
And finally, the entire cast has clocked in—even if by pure accident, as in Katie’s case. It all starts with Katie and Ariana finally realizing the writing is on the wall and meeting with their semi-estranged friends, Lala and Scheana, respectively. After simmering tensions escalated into a full-on blowup between Katie and Lala last week, the two former besties sit down for lunch to resolve their issues. To add context, Lala said on her podcast that the two fell out off-screen, explaining some of the friction we see on screen. Would it be nice if the two of them would actually say this on the show itself? Yes. There’s an epidemic of podcasts going around the Bravoverse.
Katie and Lala do come to a point of resolution after a surprisingly mature conversation. Maturity is never the goal of a Bravo show, per say, but kudos to both for exuding some self-awareness. I have to give Katie props for recognizing that her “toxic trait” is tone and delivery, as I would certainly agree with that. In typical VPR fashion, expect both ladies to undercut their apologies at the first sign of friction, of course.
Meanwhile, Ariana has a company meeting with her underling, Scheana, to see how she can improve as a manager. As we’re all well aware, Dancing With the Stars has been Scheana’s life-long dream for at least three months, and she’s still a bit hurt that she was passed over for Ariana. At the very least, she wishes she heard the news from Ariana herself, or that Ariana could’ve broken her leg like a real friend so Scheana would have to graciously step in. Is that too much to ask for?
While the two remain good on the surface, they each have a growing resentment of the other. Scheana’s tired of being Ariana’s sidekick and wants to feel valued as a friend, and Ariana feels that Scheana will ditch her at a moment’s notice to cozy up to Sandoval. Ariana clearly doesn’t trust Scheana much, if at all, and it makes me question how genuine their friendship ever was. Ariana’s playing a dangerous game scooting away from Scheana whilst expecting Scheana to remain utmost loyal to her. Luckily for Ariana, Sandoval vastly missteps with Scheana this week, too, missing his chance to recruit the wildcard.
Before that, Sandoval throws a pool party at his and Ariana’s still-shared house. The funny thing about Sandoval is, for as bad as everyone tries to make him look, he does his biggest damage when you just give him enough rope. The entire scene is a helpful dive into the machinations of his delusional mind, surrounded by tried and true extras, surely plucked from a Backstage casting call.
Thankfully, Jo returns this week to show the extras how to do it. Even in her minimal screen time, Jo shines. She’s so unhinged in an entrancing way. It’s so sad watching her buddy up to Schwartz, knowing full-well he will one day ruin her life, and possibly already has. And it’s painful when Schwartz asks her if she’s been on any dates lately and she’s all too quick to answer no. To embarrass this woman on a national stage like this and not even grace her an official “friend-of” title is beyond me, but worry not, Bravo did invite Jo to the reunion.
Jo also makes big moves this week, further infiltrating the group by getting a birth chart reading from Ally. I think Jo’s a lot more clever than people give her credit for, as appealing to Ally’s grifter sensibilities to promote her brand is a genius way to get screen time. And Ally’s reading shows that Jo is a “light at the end of the tunnel for a lot of people.” This is my new favorite Ally trope, last week dubbing Scheana a selfless, amazing woman, and now this.
When Jo physically retracts at Ally inferring that she and Schwartz have a “friendship bond,” Ally immediately backtracks to remind Jo that friends date too, and it’s actually a good thing that they’re just friends. There’s something magical about Ally transparently telling others what they want to hear under the guise of astrology. That’s a business woman.
We also got more insight into Katie’s disdain for Jo this week. After Katie and Schwartz split, Jo texted Katie: “Bieber loves you / I love you, and I’m so supporting of your inner thoughts and visions / live in the moment, you’re a gem and I’ve always respected you. I love You. Xo Jo” just months before shacking up with Schwartz. Jo was created in a lab to push Katie to her breaking point, and I do look forward to them butting heads.
Also, Jo is sitting criss-cross applesauce in her confessionals. I’m just letting the record reflect that, if you didn’t catch it. Do with what you will with this information.
Out for a night at a bar, we get the closest thing to an all-group scene this season has seen—well, sans Lisa. This is the second episode this season to forgo a court-mandated Lisa Vanderpump scene (flashbacks notwithstanding). As Vanderpump Rules continues to brush past its initial premise into this transitional state, I think we may have finally hit the end of the road with her full-time status now that Czar Vanderpump no longer rules over this group. I imagine Bravo wants to keep her on retainer for a possible return to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, but it’s okay to let Lisa out to pasture.
Although Ariana and Sandoval don’t interact at the bar, merely sharing the same frame on screen is genuinely groundbreaking for this season. Ariana finally realizes she has to fight for her spot in the group, and it’s a relief. We’ll accept whatever scraps Bravo will offer us, even if we should always champion for more.
While Ariana declines to confront Sandoval at the bar, Scheana goes full steam ahead. She wants him to step off his pedestal and accept that he’s hurt people, name-dropping Katie, and Rachel. Of course, Sandoval only sees this as an attack, as he’s sick and tired of being the villain. He’s too stubborn to see Scheana was offering him a redemption route on a silver platter, and James essentially says as much in a moment of frustration. They all want to move on, but need Sandoval to make a genuine apology effort so the overzealous fans can stop threatening to kill him and anyone who associates with him.
It’s interesting that Scheana goes out of her way to advocate for Katie here, as the opposite would never happen. Just one look at the Vanderpump Rules after show exemplifies how deep Katie’s disdain for Scheana remains, including calling her a “male sympathizer.” But evidently, Scheana Shay isn’t just an amazing human being—she’s a girl’s girl, too!
After all, it’s Scheana who appears in the video for Ally’s soon-to-drop debut single, titled “Girls Girl.” That’s right, Ally’s game plan is multi-pronged, and it turns out she hasn’t given up on her dream after all. I do admire her thinly veiled intentions, propelling herself off the Scandoval to brand herself as a girl’s girl, only to release a song of that exact name. Jenna Maroney would admire her tenacity. Why else would she date James Kennedy?
Still, Sandoval does make an effort to apologize the next day when Katie comes over to set up for Ariana’s game night. And finally, Katie gets to stop being a confessional warrior and actually say what she thinks in the moment.
“For me, apologies are just like words. At the end of the day, Tom, like you fucked up. It’s fathomless, really, to carry on in an affair like that,” she says, to Sandoval’s chagrin.
“You can’t fathom that?” is a quite funny retort. To be fair to Sandoval, affairs are as common as the sunrise on Vanderpump Rules. And to be fair to Katie, she might be the only cast member who’s never been part of one. Watching these two go back-and-forth is pretty entertaining, as they clearly hate each other and no longer need to hide it.
As I said last week, hiding from your foes is an awful reality TV strategy, and this scene’s a fantastic example of why. Sandoval (and Schwartz) are not masterminds with an intimidating amount of wit, and engaging with them is the best way to expose them for the dimwits they are. Taking the fake unbothered route is not only disingenuous. It’s just an easy way to let them slide by while you look bitter. Even though Katie engaging with Sandoval isn’t intentional, it’s a promising move forward.
Sadly, game night itself is a dud, though we do learn Scheana was in an orgy with an A-lister once who she not-so-subtly implies was John Mayer. Who needs Dancing With the Stars when you’re sleeping with them?
Upstairs, a lovestruck Sandoval continues to pine for Rachel, frustrated she slipped away. But Schwartz knows just what Sandoval needs: a verbal beating from Jax. Well, I’m not sure why Schwartz thought Sandoval needed that, but I certainly enjoyed the return of the alleged #1 guy in the group, just in time for the premiere of The Valley. Sandoval does succinctly read Jax in his confessional, noting that “nothing brings Jax more joy than celebrating other people’s failures and misery.”
Jax sees Sandoval clearly, too, acknowledging that he needs to lay low and humble himself if he wants the Scandoval to blow over. If there’s one thing you should take advice from Jax on, it’s how to deal with the entire country hating you. The feud between the two bursts into flames, leading to one of the best scenes of the entire season. The two resolve things, too, as the scene suddenly transitions into the premiere of The Valley. I love that Bravo’s committed to these seamless transitions once made famous by RHOBH/VPR, and there’s a certain camp to watching Jax literally walk from the VPR confessional set-up to The Valley’s.
But that won’t be the last Jax moment this season, as the trailer promised a blow-up between him and Lisa, too. If Below Deck is Bravo’s attempt at a procedural franchise (a la Law & Order, the Chicagos, and NCIS), then VPR and The Valley is Bravo’s own Greys Anatomy/Station 19, with crossovers aplenty.
Going forward, we have two hours of Vanderpump content every Tuesday, and as VPR continues to ascend from its rocky start to the season, that’s cause for celebration. Peak TV isn’t dead just yet.