The last time a woman said “I love you,” to Donald Trump, his wife Melania was probably miles away.
More likely, these three little words escaped from the cartoonish lips of Harley Quinn’s less sane sister Laura Loomer. A recent guest on Trump Force One, Loomer is quick to express her deep love for the “greatest president ever.” Then again, she also once believed that “bad fajitas. . . will kill you faster than COVID.”
Trump, the great dealmaker, has truly traded down. His 2016 women’s circle fell in line with The Trump Organization’s corporate branding as “bold, beautiful and glamorous.” Sure, Melania was a birther, but she didn’t shout her opinions. There was a quiet elegance to the former First Lady’s racism. And while Ivanka never deserved the job of Senior Advisor to the President, she showed a polish that made it seem like she could hang with world leaders even as they rolled their eyes at her.
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Still, “bold, beautiful and glamorous” was exactly what Trump hoped to project in June, 2015 when he floated down to earth from his penthouse triplex with his model wife Melania perched on the escalator in front of him like a Rolls Royce hood ornament.
In that announcement of his candidacy, Trump said point-blank, “I’m really rich.” He also said horrible things about immigrants.
The image he presented was clear: he was a man to be feared…and envied.
Melania, then in her mid-40s, appeared willingly by her husband’s side, dressed like a bride in a white strapless sheath with her shoulders and cleavage exposed. Ivanka Trump, also dressed in white, introduced her father, citing “his vision, his brilliance, his passion, his work ethic, and his refusal to take no for an answer.” Trump has since been found liable for the “forcible touching” of E. Jean Carroll. Over 20 more women have made claims of sexual misconduct against Trump.
When Trump announced his run in June 2015, waiting for him at the bottom of the golden escalator was a family entourage. Now only Lara (second left) remains.
Christopher GregoryFormer model Vanessa Trump, then married to Donald Trump Jr., stood in the background, forcing a smile for the camera and all dressed in black. A cry for help? Perhaps. By 2018, Vanessa Trump had filed for divorce.
Six years later, Melania and Ivanka have hung up their campaign cleats, too. It’s possible they both stepped away as a form of nuclear deterrence: “I won’t, if you won’t.” Each turned down a speaking slot at July’s Republican National Convention choosing to be seen and not heard in the closing minutes of the four-day event. Melania’s presence on stage actually seemed to surprise her husband.
So apparently unaccustomed to his wife’s presence was he that when she appeared on stage at the RNC, Trump seemed surprised.
Marco Bello/ReutersThe loss of these three women has left an approximately 5’ 10,” shapely hole in Trumpland. Nature abhors a vacuum and into those breaches have ridden the three horse-faced women of the apocalypse: Laura Loomer, Lara Trump, and Kimberly Guilfoyle. Suddenly, Trump’s brand of “bold, beautiful and glamorous” turned loud, mean and unappealing.
In head to head comparisons, they show how Trump’s standards have dropped. And as Trump heads into the final sprint of 2024, it is fair to say that in this election, he is feared more…and envied less.
From Ivanka Trump to... Lara Trump
Where once it was Ivanka who boasted about demale empowerment at his side, now Trump has no public support from his daughter and instead it is his daughter-in-law Lara who speaks up for him.
Getty ImagesIvanka Trump walked into the White House vowing to increase jobs and opportunities for women. Instead, her administration wiped out almost two generations of women’s progress and (thanks to the justices it appointed) stripped away reproductive rights. In her defense, Ivanka always looked pretty.
Ivanka understood the assignment for women in the executive suite: act professional, don’t be too intimidating, and don’t make it about you. Her sister-in-law Lara Trump breaks all these cultural norms. She is a shrill shill for her father-in-law and her balloon-sized lips lie as easily as his.
The new model of Trump woman is loudly, literally, in her support of the former president, physically demonstrative, and definitely less discreet (in every sense) than their predecessors.
Jonathan Drake/ReutersLike Trump, Lara enjoys calling attention to herself. She has shared videos of her fitness routine and an a cappella version of Tom Petty’s “Won’t Back Down” that she sang on Australian TV. On that show, Lara claimed that she was not “seeking a music career” (wise!) but has since released another music video with Madeline Jaymes (unwise!) “Hero,” a tribute to firefighters, is a cringey mess where Lara sings, “You’re climbing up the ladder/And the screams are getting louder.” “Ladder” and “louder” do not rhyme and this lyric should be considered a crime against Stephen Sondheim and prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
With Lara representing Trump womanhood, the poise is gone. Elegance has been replaced by mud-slinging. On her internet talk show “The Right View,” Lara read out a viewer question that accused her of being stupid. She clapped back, “What is stupid is voting for a party that hates you and hates this country. What’s stupid is voting for a party that ultimately wants the destruction of America.”
In a sense, she’s right.
From Melania Trump to... Laura Loomer
On the left, an immigrant-turned-First Lady who kept the racism in the background. And on the right, the woman who denies an affair with Trump and for whom the racism is the point.
Getty Images/ReutersAt past 9/11 memorials, Melania has stood by her husband and looked sad. She is very good at that. But last week, Trump ditched Melania and brought crackpot conspiracist Laura Loomer to a 9/11 event at Ground Zero. This was a new low for Trump who once falsely boasted that after the destruction of the World Trade Towers, he now owned the tallest building in Lower Manhattan.
That same week, Loomer accompanied Trump on his private jet to the debate and joined him in the spin room. Trump later claimed on Truth Social that “Laura Loomer doesn’t work for the Campaign,” which suggests she was traveling with him for personal reasons, perhaps as a friend or as Bill Maher has conjectured, a friend with benefits. (Loomer has denied that she and Trump are lovers.)
Whatever freaky arrangement they may have, Loomer is fringe. She spews conspiracies and cruelties that have caused her to be banned from all mainstream social media platforms as well as online payment systems. And while she may not currently have an official job with Trump, that could change. On an April podcast on Rumble, extreme right-wing host Jewels James asked Loomer, “It’s not like you expect anything to come out of Donald Trump…[but] what’s the best role you could play in your opinion?”
Loomer traveled with Trump on his private Boeing 757 to the presidential debate in Philadelphioa; his wife Melania did not. She has not been seen at his side since the RNC in July.
Eduardo Munoz/ReutersLoomer bragged that Donald Trump Jr. has floated her name for press secretary which she said would be “great,” but what she’d love even more, she explained, was “some type of position where I could vet people.” See, Loomer’s praise for Trump is boundless—he’s “brilliant,” “generous” and “loyal,” but, as she notes, “nobody’s perfect.”
“He doesn’t necessarily always have the best judgment when it comes to the people he surrounds himself with,” Loomer told James. “Because we saw a lot of grifters.”
That’s why Loomer wants to vet people—to keep away the grifters and, as she said, “Show them, ‘No, you’re an opportunist…or you’re married to this person who’s actively working against Donald Trump.’” (Shiv to Kellyanne Conway. Ouch.)
Loomer isn’t shy about telling Trump that she loves him. And he has returned Loomer’s love, showering her with accolades, letting her know she’s “fantastic” and “amazing.” He’s even offered the highest praise that Trump can give to a woman, singling out Loomer in the crowd and telling her, “You look so beautiful…as always.”
She may not be blond or tall, but Loomer is definitely Trump’s type: unapologetically racist.
From Vanessa Trump to... Kimberly Guilfoyle
As his father’s female entourage has degraded, Don Jr. has gone from having his wife Vanessa quietly at his side to being the fiancé of Kimberly Guilfoyle, best known for the sheer volume of her public speaking.
Getty Images/ReutersVanessa and Don. Jr. split in 2018 after 12 years of marriage and five kids. Vanessa continues to support her ex-father-in-law and showed up at the RNC to cheer on her 17-year-old daughter, Kai. Nine months after the breakup, Don Jr. started dating Kimberly Guilfoyle, the attention-seeking, liberal-hating former wife of California Governor Gavin Newsom.
Like Lara and Loomer, Guilfoyle revels in the spotlight. As the national chair of the Trump Victory Finance Committee and self-described “proud Latina,” she is often called upon to give speeches. Her style is distinctive. She starts at full volume and rises from there. She ends every sentence with an exclamation mark. She could wake the dead.
Here she is at the ellipse on January 6th, shouting, “We will not allow the liberals and the Democrats to steal our dream or steal our elections!” Here she is shouting at this summer’s RNC, “We will not be bullied into obedience!” A lot of former spouses take swipes at their exes behind their backs, but here is Guilfoyle attacking Newsom from the podium of the 2020 RNC, shouting, “California! The Democrats turned it into a land of discarded heroin needles in parks, riots in streets and blackouts in homes!”
This was Guilfoyle in full flight at the RNC in Milwaukee, belting out her love of Trump and the MAGA creed.
Mike Segar/ReutersThat’s ugly behavior and, sadly, no cosmetic procedure can reverse it.
Now according to The Daily Mail, Guilfoyle appears to be on the way out with reports that Don Jr. has been spotted kissing socialite Bettina Anderson. Anderson is a graduate of Columbia with a degree in art history and a megawatt smile. On her IG account, she posts old jokes from Reddit as if she thought of them herself: “Me at a cocktail party: “Do not touch” would be scary to read in braille don’t you think?”
In another IG post, she writes, “having adhd + anxiety is RIDICULOUS bc I just got lost in a reverie about whether I could make & sell butter from scratch and then I was like WAIT... what was I spiraling about before I got distracted by butter???? oh yeah, whether I’m capable of love 🙃“
It sounds like Anderson will fit right in with the Trumps and give the campaign a shot of glamor which they need.
And if Anderson doesn’t pan out and Guilfoyle takes off humiliated, the campaign could always call up Trump’s other daughter Tiffany. She’s right there... waiting in the wings...desperate to get the nod and prove to her father that she can be dreadful, too.
