You Won’t Like Who JD Vance Will Copy at Tonight’s Debate

Look for candidate JD Vance to come out swinging at Tuesday’s vice presidential debate against Minnesota Governor Tim Walz. Odds are good that Vance will go for the Trumpian emotional trifecta: playing the victim, spewing anger, and attacking women and immigrants.

While not everyone is charmed by righteous rage, Donald Trump is the “audience of one” who needs to hear his chosen candidate mimic the boss. There’s precedent for this behavior from fellow Yale Law School graduate, Brett Kavanaugh.

Let’s travel back to 2018 when then-president Donald Trump nominated then-DC Circuit Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. All went smoothly until Dr. Christine Blasey Ford accused Kavanaugh of sexually assaulting her when they were teenagers. This was not the only accusation of sexual assault against Kavanaugh, all of which he denied.

Fortunately for Squee’s best buddy, a little sexual assault–denied or even not– never bothered Trump. The president stood by his appointee and the Senate Judiciary Committee scheduled an additional hearing to hear the new testimony. But first, Kavanaugh appealed to the court of MAGA public opinion. He and his wife joined interviewer Martha McCallum on Fox News for one of the cringiest interviews ever.

As part of the denial of sexual assault, Kavanaugh decided to let the world know that he had remained a virgin throughout high school.

“I did not have sexual intercourse or anything close to sexual intercourse in high school or for many years thereafter,” Kavanaugh stated.

MacCallum followed up, asking when Kavanaugh did lose his virginity.

“Many years after. I’ll leave it at that,” he responded, before not leaving it at that, and repeating, “Many years after.” (We believe you!)

Kavanaugh also stated that he was ”looking for a fair process.” Maybe that’s what set off Trump who reacted with displeasure at Kavanaugh’s “wooden” performance. “Fair” is not exactly on brand for the GOP. At the time, CNN reported that Trump told others that Kavanaugh needed to be more aggressive.

That message was clearly received. When Kavanaugh returned to the Senate for questioning, he lashed out, calling Dr. Blasey Ford’s credible accusation a “grotesque character assassination.” He pinned the “revenge” campaign on the Clintons. He vigorously defended his beer drinking, insisting, “Yes, we drank beer. I liked beer. Still like beer.”

Kavanaugh came across a pi--y bully. He knew it, too. In a post-hearing Wall Street Journal editorial, he backpedaled, admitting, “I might have been too emotional at times. I know that my tone was sharp, and I said a few things I should not have said.”

But you know who ate Kavanaugh’s performance up like a filet-o-fish sandwich? The day after, Trump tweeted, “Judge Kavanaugh showed America exactly why I nominated him…” Trump then praised the judge for his “powerful” and “riveting” testimony.

Vance knows that his debate performance must please an “audience of one.” Job one is to make Daddy Donald proud. Reasonable and empathetic just won’t cut it. Here are ten predictions for how Vance will follow in Kavanaugh’s footsteps by using a sharp tone, being overly emotional and saying a few things he should not say.

1. At the top, Vance will accuse his opponent of lying. He will do this to insulate himself against Walz doing what Harris brilliantly did when she announced at the top of her debate: “I’m going to tell you all, in this debate tonight, you’re going to hear from the same old, tired playbook, a bunch of lies, grievances and name calling.” Vance will then let loose with his own lies, grievances, and name calling. CBS has already stated that they will not provide any fact checking.

2. Vance will laugh off the “childless cat lady” comments as a joke. The problem, he will explain, is that feminists have no sense of humor.

3. Vance will righteously rage against Walz for calling Republicans “weird.” He will try to use the fact that Walz’s son is neurodivergent to claim that “weird” is a cruel insult and the Democrats should be ashamed of themselves.

4. Vance will mention Haitians eating dogs and cats. Trump knows he fumbled when he blurted in his debate with Harris, “In Springfield, they are eating the dogs. The people that came in, they are eating the cats. They’re eating – they are eating the pets of the people that live there." Vance knows he must double down to make Trump feel less humiliated.

5. Vance will say something positive about Trump’s crowd size because, of course, there is no greater measure of a man than the size of his crowds.

6. Vance will use moral licensing (where youre one good deed allows you to follow with many bad ones) to point out that his wife Usha comes from a family of immigrants and, therefore, he can’t possibly be anti-immigrant.

7. Vance will use moral licensing to point out that he loves his amazing wife Usha and, therefore, he can’t possibly be anti-woman.

8. Vance will definitely throw in a “mamaw” and “papaw” to prove his hillbilly bona fides.

9. Vance will not mention his overlord Peter Thiel who handed over $15 million to Vance’s 2022 senatorial campaign and lobbied for Vance to be Trump’s running mate.

10. Vance will get angry. Very angry. Then he will defend his anger as patriotism. See, he just loves this country so much… that’s why he has to smack it around.

Tuesday night will reveal whether any of these predictions come true. But brace for Vance to go full Kavanaugh. And to paraphrase “Tropic Thunder”: Never go full Kavanaugh.