It’s hard out here for a pimp. This week, representatives for sneaker salesman Donald Trump told a New York court that the fake university founder cannot secure a bond for the nearly half a billion f-ing dollars he owes for fraud.
That sum is, of course, on top of the hundred million dollars he already owes for sexual assault. Dude is on the hook for six hundred million dollars, plus legal fees, plus the cost of bronzer and hairspray for court appearances.
I don’t care who you are—that’s a lot of money to not have. And to make matters worse, it turns out this guy also wants to be President of the United States.
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Ordinarily, when you’ve got somebody with the resume of Trump—bankrupt six times over, accused of sexual harassment and sexual assault a couple dozen times, barred from running a charity due to fraud, you’d think to yourself: “That’s a guy I want running my country.”
But when we pile on a half-billion-dollar judgment for which he cannot secure a bond, all of the sudden the proposition of a narcissistic octogenarian with loosey-goosey lips—often tempted to feed sensitive info to generous sponsors of the governmental and non-governmental variety—starts to sound, shall we say, a bit dodgy.
The obvious solution for a fellow accustomed to taking advantage of/manipulating/abusing the nation’s tax laws is to declare bankruptcy for a seventh time. The problem with that solution, of course, is one of optics. How does one sell the narrative that he alone can save the nation from ruin (and keep himself out of prison) when he can’t even save himself?
The other problem is that bankruptcy protection will not release him from the judgments already made against him. Those debts will still need to be settled. It’s almost enough to make me feel bad for the guy.
I’m obviously kidding.
I will say, however, that the Home Alone 2 guy’s woes have me thinking a bit about the nation as a whole and the similar spot in which we find ourselves.
America, too, is in a financial hole. In our case, it’s a few trilly instead of a few hundred milly, but that’s just a question of adding some zeros. Those debts, too, will need to be satisfied.
But America’s problems extend beyond the financial. We, too, find ourselves adrift as we debate our participation in the Russia/Ukraine conflict, continue to sink into moral quicksand in our support of fellow criminal defendant Benjamin Netanyahu, all while trying to keep our domestic mass shooting numbers up as we head into the busy summer season.
Like Trump, we, too, face issues on the social front. Ours have to do with debates over protecting vulnerable populations who find themselves under threat of MAGA. Trump’s issues have more to do with his opinion on Jimmy Kimmel hosting the Oscars.
We, too, are in crisis. A recent NBC News poll showed that 71 percent of Americans believe the country is on the wrong track. Lest you think that number is a reflection of Biden’s unpopularity, the nation’s current pessimistic streak dates back to the Trump presidency. Like Trump, America needs a reset.
Dare I say we need to make ourselves great again?
Unfortunately, a recycled bumper sticker slogan won’t do much on its own to course-correct decades of failed supply-side economics, racial tensions, and personal information silos. Nor will declaring bankruptcy repair a social fabric deliberately deconstructed by a right flank trying to preserve the forced marriage between fiscal and social conservatives.
In the end, the personal travails of the world’s worst casino owner don’t worry me much, except as it affects his job performance as Commander-in-Chief. He’ll either settle his debts, or die, or go to jail—and there’s not much I can do to effectuate any of those outcomes. What I can do, however, is advocate for my home.
Because unlike Trump, America has endless resources for renewal and regrowth. Unlike Trump, our nation is creative, talented, and dynamic. Our problems are the problems of great nations. How we handle them determines how we proceed, or if we proceed.
When 71 percent of a nation’s population believes we’re on the wrong track, one optimistic interpretation of that data is that almost three-quarters of us recognize that we can get back on track.
A large number of us remember what it feels like to be headed in the right direction, which means, unlike with Trump and his imported clown car of grifters and frauds, there’s still hope.
