It’s not a Real Housewives of New York holiday episode if it doesn’t end in a blowout fight against the backdrop of beautiful decorations. There’s just something about an idyllic New York City Christmas that begs to be ravaged. Maybe it’s those blinding silver bells that trigger a feral wrath. Even a feel-good charity party in Season 12 of RHONY concluded with an eggnog-fueled rage spiral that broke the fourth wall. In that case, it looks like the women of Bravo’s reboot have done their homework. The cast of headstrong women have cooked up a feast of holiday drama, slathered it in brown avocado, and have readied it to serve piping hot.
Season 14’s seventh episode opens inside the headquarters for Jenna’s false eyelash brand, Loveseen, where Jenna and her team are casting new lash models for a photo shoot. This is like the political Situation Room for faux facial appendages, and Jenna is unafraid to make tough decisions for the good of the American public. Unlike a certain someone who once grew a brand to success on RHONY, Jenna is a skinny girl (imagine me winking with a Loveseen lash) who naturally leads with kindness as opposed to antagonistic severity. “If you’re feeling nervous, I’ll come over and make you laugh,” she says to a prospective model.
Jenna has also asked Sai to come in and assist with the model casting, citing the need for industry diversity. “I invited Sai for a couple of reasons,” Jenna begins. “I am an older white woman, and when someone comes in for a casting, I think it’s so critical to see someone who looks like them, so they know the person who’s looking at them sees them.” When Jenna says this, there’s an air of sincerity and intention in her voice. Her time at J.Crew no doubt taught her a lot of lessons, and this is one she considers extremely important. It comes off far less like an annoying obligation for her, and more like an opportunity—exactly the way she should view it.
During the casting, one of the models starts talking about a childhood nickname, which prompts Jenna to reveal to Sai and everyone else in the room that her real name is not Jenna, but Judith. Not wanting to keep Judith once she went to fashion school at Parsons, she panicked during first-day introductions and chose “Jenna” from the nickname her brother once gave her: “Jenna-jenna-jenna-genitalia.”
In her confessional, Sai ponders why Jenna is comfortable being vulnerable with a complete stranger but has yet to reveal more than a few details about her personal life to the rest of the cast. And so Sai takes the chance to poke her a bit more, asking Jenna how she’s doing after her recent breakup. Jenna bristles and goes silent, but she doesn’t seem as afraid to share as she is anxious that she might break down and cry. Like any expert in diversion, she changes the subject to Sai scramming from Erin’s anniversary party to get to Nobu before the kitchen closed, one of the inciting points of this episode’s brewing battle.
It’s always a joy when the editors pivot to a Jessel solo scene, because we never know exactly what we’re about to get. How appropriate that her surname is Taank, given that this woman is a reservoir of never-ending surprises. But she’s not just capable of being one of the funniest women on television right now, she’s also got a big heart—that British stiff upper lip be damned. Jessel has invited her mother (who should really be a cast member, a la Dale Mercer) to lunch. It may be noon, but mama’s getting her spicy margarita on. And she might need it, given that Jessel is about to drop an emotional bomb on her.
Despite her twins being over a year old, Jessel still hasn’t told her mother that they were conceived through IVF. Trouble with conception is a taboo in Indian culture, and given the stress of IVF hormones and the procedure’s massive cost, she stayed tight-lipped about it until the twins arrived. Jessel’s first two rounds of IVF didn’t take, leaving her exhausted, which was precisely why she didn’t tell her protective mother. “I would’ve taken the next flight,” her mom tells her. “I didn’t want to worry you,” Jessel responds, tearing up. It seems that wanting to preserve her mother’s mindset was even more paramount than the fear of breaking a cultural taboo, and admitting that to a parent who internalizes these things deeply is the hardest part of this conversation for Jessel. But with everything out in the open, they sip their spicy margaritas and move forward together.
Then, we arrive at the reason for the season: Brynn’s wreath-decorating party. At this point, there are still 20 minutes left of the episode, which is precisely how I knew it would not disappoint. I could also discern that from Brynn walking into the party looking as chic as any person could possibly look, clad in an olive green leather trench coat with green fur trim on the collar and cuffs. She literally looks exactly like Cousin Mel from the animated Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer movie—fitting, given that they are both a bit devious, very flirtatious, and have money on their mind.
Each woman on the cast arrives in great spirits, and as they should! This is a fabulous idea, and I loved that it wasn’t merely a holiday dinner. Every time Jessel clomps into a space, I lose my damn mind. This time, she turned up the speedometer and practically galloped, speed-walking inside the restaurant with all the conviction of a granny on her first lap around a shopping mall. Jenna arrives in a beautiful tizzy, armed with boxes of gifts for her pals. Sai blusters in like a snowdrift, clad in her winter whites but ready to complain about the brown avocado slathered atop the crudité.
Ubah is still at home, stricken with COVID. And though she’s sorely missed, the cast is capable of having plenty of fun on their own. Sai tells the Judith/Jenna story from the Loveseen casting, and the minute Sai reveals Jenna’s real name to the group, Jessel makes the most horrified and disgusted face I’ve ever seen. She is aghast, looking like she might when she repeats: “Juuuuuuuudith?”
But the good mood is quickly tarnished when Erin rolls in like the Freeze Miser from those petrifying stop-motion Rudolph movies. The energy comes crashing down, and Erin owns up to it in her confessional. “I want to ruin [Brynn’s] party just like she ruined mine,” Erin says, referring to last week’s episode when Brynn “hit on” Erin’s husband, Abe. I appreciate Erin’s pettiness, don’t get me wrong, but she also needs to grow up. Brynn was being flirty, sure, but it’s not as if Erin wasn’t in the same room. There’s also the fact that it was Erin and Abe’s anniversary party, and not some random gathering where Erin wasn’t present. They were celebrating the strength and longevity of a marriage, it was just a few cheeky jokes!
Erin starts picking them off one by one, beginning with Sai. “I think [leaving the party without saying goodbye] is incredibly rude and you have bad manners,” she says outright. Sai, on the other hand, is not receptive to the discourse, handing Erin a big, fat, shameless, “I don’t care!” The two of them duke it out for a bit longer, but with Sai holding her own, Erin moves over to Brynn.
“What you did was horrendous,” Erin tells her. Brynn does her best to play it off and deny it, though the editors are happy to call her out when her “memory” plays tricks on her. “I didn’t say ‘divorce,’” Brynn attests, only for a quick flashback to give us soundbites of Brynn joking with Abe and saying “divorce,” “divorce,” and “trial separation.” With so many solid episodes this season, it’s almost easy to forget that the Season 14 premiere was setting up the Erin and Brynn frenemy dynamic, which is now back with a force. “If you accuse me of flirting with a married man, it’s gonna really get real,” Brynn says. “It was a fucking joke, don’t flatter yourself. The party was fucking boring!”
At this point, the chill that Erin brought in with her has heated past the point of her control, so she grabs her jacket and storms out. It’s the response of a kid who initiates a game of tag, and then says they don’t want to play anymore when they get tagged; if you’re not prepared to participate, don’t start the game. It only makes Sai and Brynn look more solid in their convictions, and Erin like the one who has been caught blowing something out of proportion. Although, I do understand Erin. If I had thrown a party as dull as that, I’d be embarrassed too.
Erin strolls down the sidewalk, half-decorated wreath in hand, calling her sister, Kelley, for backup. Kelley, who tried to shush the group at Erin’s party, naturally comes to her sister’s defense. “Brynn tried to wear sunglasses inside, like, honey you’re not a celebrity,” she says.
But here’s where you’re wrong, Kel! Brynn might not be uber famous (yet), but she carries herself with infectious confidence. That unassuming effervescence is both why she can get away with being a little flirty and what makes her such a worthy opponent in a fight. But so far, Erin is all bark and no bite, falling back as soon as someone challenges her. Though, that looks like it’ll soon change, as the entire group is at war with one another in the midseason trailer. Good thing, too—going from wreaths to wrath in a matter of episodes is exactly where I want my RHONY to live.
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