Ciao, Milano! This week’s episode of The Kardashians thrust us right into the high drama of Milan Fashion Week. Kim Kardashian and Kendall Jenner jetted across the Atlantic in Kim’s ozone-shattering private plane, where Kendall pumped down the Prada runway and Kim pumped the brakes on then-beau Pete Davidson’s decision to go to space with Jeff Bezos.
Already launched into orbit was Kris Jenner, who spent a majority of this episode high as a kite off of nearly $1,000 worth of edibles. But things weren’t all high fashion and higher drug trips. (Get it?)
As always, lingering darkness followed America’s First Family, even into international waters. Kanye West was caught texting Kim Kardashian candid pictures of her in Italy, mocking her outfits; Khloé Kardashian absconded into the desert with her mother to get away from Tristan Thompson; and Jenner’s ganja giddiness was actually a desperate attempt to relieve killer joint pain.
Will these women ever claw their way out of the shadows? We broke down the most fabulous—and yes, even fun!—episode of the season so far to find out.
Coleman: I just want it noted that the reason all of the “[Insert Kardashian Names Here] Take [Insert City Name Here]” spinoff series of yore were so appealing was because we can only see so much of Calabasas’ boring, sun-drenched mansions. So thank God that, from the minute this episode opens, we’re going international. Benvenuti a Milano, baby!
Kyndall: I’m happy to get a change of scenery from the utterly haunting, minimalist aesthetic of nearly every indoor environment in Calabasas. But I can’t say I enjoyed watching Kim and Kendall take on Milan as a duo, especially in comparison to Kim and Khloé’s, and Kim and Kourtney’s respective adventures. I honestly would’ve preferred a solo trip with Kim, following her as she tries on ill-fitting Prada gear and buys Yankees caps for her Staten Island man.
Coleman: I tend to agree. Kendall is largely a non-event, which is the reason that her success as a model has baffled—and will continue to baffle—generations. This was also evidenced by Kendall fully snoring away in her hotel room while Kim had a dictator’s power dinner with her staff, where she discussed the trauma of the Challenger explosion and asked the waiter what tortellini is.
Kyndall: Love seeing rich people casually discuss whether or not they would fly into space because it’s truly in arm’s reach for them. I was also a bit jarred by the texts Kanye was sending to Kim in Milan about her fashions. He said that one of her looks “made him want to vomit,” but Kim frames this interaction as proof that they can joke and get along as exes? Kim makes fun of her sisters’ looks all the time, so maybe she’s used to this sort of back-and-forth. But from a divorced Kanye, it reads like, “you will never look good now that you’re separated from me!”
Coleman: It was definitely less than sisterly, that’s for sure. It’s hard to see someone present what’s clearly a trauma they’re currently enduring as normal behavior, but then again, that’s what this show is all about. I wonder how Kim’s stylist, who is a dead ringer for Arca, felt about having to sit in silence, just nodding and smirking at the conversation.
As we’ve just seen this week, Kanye’s desperation to police women’s looks is as rampant as ever. I wish Kim would be more like Gigi Hadid and not shrug it off, but I’m sure it’s not easy to process. Just like Kris’ incessant hip pain isn’t!
Kyndall: Poor Kris. Crippling body pain is one of the most depressing experiences ever, even if you have the funds to eventually fix what’s wrong. But that brings us to the less fun, more bizarre family trip occurring simultaneously in this episode. Kris and Corey—still a pairing that boggles my mind every time they’re on-screen—head to Palm Springs. And Khloé decides to join as a third wheel to escape the Tristan drama. Can you tell me what exactly this trio does on this vacation besides eat weed gummies? Why couldn’t they have just hung out in an underused part of one of their million-acre estates for a few days?
Coleman: I imagine they get tired of staring at blank, gray walls all day, so a fun reprieve from that torrid existence is traveling to a dispensary to buy exactly $732 worth of weed gummies. I love Kris prefacing her trip with, “Listen up, everybody! In California, this is all legal.” Like, yeah, it’s 2022. And you’re in a dispensary that looks like a dermatologist’s waiting area decorated by Ashley Tisdale. I think it’s above board.
Kyndall: LOL. The whole scene felt very 2016. Usually, I loathe any segment on a reality show where cast members visit a dispensary or even a sex shop because what do we, as viewers, get out of that? So I immediately assumed a “let’s try some weed!” storyline would be extremely tedious to watch on this show where everyone already seems a bit sedated. However, Kris laughing at dinner for maybe a good five minutes against the constraints of her Botox and asking Khloé how the ends of her hair stay flipped was maybe the highlight of the episode.
Coleman: Kris getting stoned off her goddamn ass in the private room of a Mexican restaurant could even be the highlight of this season so far. At first, I was convinced it was forced—how could a woman who drinks a martini or more a day have this low of a tolerance?
But watching her face devolve into a sort of twisted delight of laughter until she cried and played peekaboo with her napkin was confirmation enough that she was smacked to hell off the herb. And I had to wonder too: how does Khloé get her hair to stay flipped like that?! Maybe we should ask Kourtney, who gets a single cutaway in this episode like she’s an inconsequential 30 Rock gag, shooting a “cover” for Bustle and talking about how thick she is at 125 pounds.
Kyndall: Excuse you! That’s 115 pounds! She’s really inspiring the tiniest subset of adult women in America to embrace their natural bodies. But on a less sarcastic note, I did enjoy her talking about how Travis was boosting her confidence amid her (extremely subtle) weight gain. I have no emotional connection to the drummer of Blink 182, but I like everything I hear about this man. I also support anyone in this family being enthusiastic about gaining weight instead of losing it. Kourtney’s a true trailblazer.
And you’re right. There might as well be a 30-second Kourtney timer on the screen at this point whenever she appears. I think she’s mainly useful in adding some brief moments of joy to each episode while Kim and Khloé are internally struggling with the men in their lives.
Coleman: A Kourtney timer! That’s genius, and I wish Kourt had the humility to let them implement that.It is nice to see at least one member of the family happy, even if I’m still impatiently tapping my foot waiting for Travis to appear again and Pete to appear ONCE! Where are my tall, trashy studs? I feel a bit like I’ve been duped! But I’ll survive, as will our beloved Kristen Jenner, who ties up this episode by deciding to finally get a consultation with a surgeon about her hip.
Maybe it’s just me, but seeing a mom crying, thinking about her kids’ lives without her, instantly pushes me to tears. I don’t know the mortality rate of hip surgery—surely it can’t be very significant (this is where I get canceled by the medical board)—but it really stirred me seeing Kris well up.
Kyndall: I mean, surgery, no matter what it is, is genuinely scary. So I get the tears. And the recovery process for a hip replacement isn’t exactly a walk in the park.
Also, I do think we’ll see Pete later on because it doesn’t seem like they’re trying to edit him out of the show, even though he and Kim have now disbanded. I think Kim is ultimately very proud of her “twentysomething-year-old boy toy” era.
Coleman: Okay, you’re right about both of these things, and I’m willing to take the backlash for my surgery comments on the chin! It certainly didn’t look like an outpatient type of deal when they were hammering away on her hip in the season preview. Speaking of which, no more operating room scenes, please! But all that is yet to come, and next week, we’re moving into the television event of the season: Kim telling us to get our fucking asses up and work!
Sibling Superlatives
Most American-In-Europe Gaffe: This not-so-honorable mention is Kim’s. Not only did she look an Italian waiter dead in the eye and have the audacity to ask him what tortellini is—turning the bones of 10 generations of Nonas to dust— but she then boldly toted a doggy bag full of gelato through the streets of Milan, calling it “ice cream.” And Kendall thought the gelato was meat. Have these women never eaten a pint of Talenti at 2 am in the middle of a dissociative panic attack?
Most Try-Hard Funny Moment: In our one and only scene of Kylie, the lip-gloss mogul mistakenly pronounces “lip oil” like “nipple” in what’s framed as an extremely funny moment. This joke is also assisted by a blatantly desperate producer trying to squeeze out any ounce of humor from these ladies. The flub is apparently so hilarious that it needed to be teased in last week’s preview for this episode. And surprise! It’s still not funny.
Strongest Sister of the Week: Our most prestigious award goes to Kendall Jenner, who bravely stomped the Prada runway during Milan Fashion Week despite a quick bout of late-night anxiety. It takes an iron will to stay planted in your hotel suite to avoid letting the paparazzi get a glimpse of your newly dyed hair before it hits the blogosphere, but Kendall managed to grit her teeth and make it happen. Let her strength and resolution be an inspiration to us all. I know it will be to me, next time I throw down $40 at a Sally Beauty to fry my hair with sewer bleach.
