It’s only week two of The White Lotus Season 3 and already there are so many questions. Who is dead? Who killed them? Are those brothers gonna f---?
And, of course, the biggest one: What happened to the “looloolooloo” in the theme music?!?!
None of those questions are answered in Sunday night’s episode. Though they are deepened: Wait is the teen guy going to bang his brother or his sister? The weirdness is escalating.
The episode picks up Lochlan (Sam Nivola) staring at his brother’s bare a-- the morning after Saxson (Patrick Schwarzengger) aggressively interrogated him about his sex life—and also that of his sister. The sister, Piper (Sarah Catherine Hook) is now brought into all of this, after Saxson said that it’s a shame she’s so hot and so prudish—and probably a virgin. He doesn’t want the same fate for his (objectively) handsome younger bro.
In a villa down the very expensive lane, the three middle-aged women are doing A+, 10 out of 10, chef’s kiss gossip. I’m obsessed with these women.
There are going to be people who watch this season and are like, “I can’t believe how much these ladies talk about each other behind their backs.” Meanwhile, to me, that is love language. I have never seen a girl-group who loves each other so deeply as this one. So much so that the half of a second after one of them leaves to a room where she can absolutely hear them, they start wondering about her mental health, parenting skills, relationship drama, etc. That’s a true family.
Their hushed whispers were in concern of Laurie (Carrie Coon), who has spent as much time with her mouth on a bottle of white wine as she has been speaking so far this season. (Complimentary.) “She seems great.” “She looks great.” Platitudes escalate to, “You have to wonder about these people who raise kids in New York.” “They’re sucking people off at like 8 years old.”
We get to spend some time this episode with Gaitok (Tayme Thapthimthong) and Mook (Lalisa Manobal), the White Lotus hotel workers who are so adorable together that I fear the worst for them. They are so pure, and everyone around them is so evil. The White Lotus’ indictment of privilege is already ringing an alarm, because I love them so much and everyone who interacts with them I want to spit at.
In a merging of character groups, Kate (Leslie Bibb) recognizes the Ratliff matriarch, Victoria (Parker Posey) from a baby shower they both attended. They have the most fascinating interaction I have ever seen on television. I am serious. I have no idea what the character choice is to have Victoria be so aloof and cold, but it was exhilarating to watch. There were high hopes that Posey could be the next Jennifer Coolidge on this show, and she is delivering.
We revisit Chelsea (Aimee Lou Wood) and Rick (Walton Goggins), whose “I’m fun and you’re a cranky old man” bit is wearing thin. But the more Rick looks into the owner of the hotel, the clearer it becomes that he’ll probably be a pivotal part of this season’s mystery—especially as Chelsea forces Gary, who is the previous seasons’ Greg (Jon Gries), into their friendship circle.
I get the impression that they’re pivotal to this season’s narrative, but I’m more enjoying the vibes of the girlfriends who brutally roast each other in whispers and the siblings who are probably gonna f---.
On that front, it’s Piper and Lochlan who are weird this episode, giving Saxson a week off. On water hammocks that I immediately put on my bucket list of things to enjoy before I die, Piper and Lochlan talk about what Saxson said, that she is a woeful virgin. “He was just saying that it’s weird that you’re so hot but you’ve never had sex. It’s like a compliment about you,” he says. She gets pissed. “Have you though?” he asks. She swims off.
We’re given a red herring about the premiere’s gun shots. Robbers speed past Gaitok at the front gate and burgle the gift shop while Chelsea is there shopping. Gaitok gets pistol whipped when he tries to confront them as they leave. Chelsea convinces herself she is a saint for surviving the altercation. Which basically was her standing there as it happened.
There’s more plot development that has to do with the Ratliff patriarch, Timothy (Jason Isaacs), who keeps fielding calls from The Wall Street Journal about his business practices. It is a snooze, but there’s a fun cameo. I was too rushed to finish this to have time to email HBO’s publicists, but I am 90 percent sure that is Oscar-winner Ke Huy Quan on the phone with Isaacs.
But the episode ends as it began, with some Major League gossiping among the world’s most privileged white women. Yes!
Jacqueline (Michelle Monaghan) goes to bed early, changing the dynamic. Now instead of two whispering about Laurie, Laurie and Kate are whispering about Jacqueline, the TV star. Give Leslie Bibb an Emmy for this sequence of line readings: “Did she sandblast her face or something? It’s very waxy…She’s still gorgeous…Gosh, she had the face everyone wanted…And then the whole thing with the husband.”
I have moved on from the incest to being obsessed with these queens. See you next week.
