Walking through a world ruled by the Kardashians is a lot like walking through Times Square: At every corner, there’s an offer to try a new product, a new revue to see, or new merchandise to buy. Its toxic gravitational pull is inescapable, no matter how far you run.
Just when you think you’ve made it out of the hellscape of unflattering lighting, you run smack dab into a life-sized costume of your favorite television character, one who looks almost exactly like the one you grew up with but not quite. The features are different than you remember, the hair is…off. All of the details have been smoothed away.
It's a lot like seeing the Kardashians' face plastered again across the Hulu landing page promoting the start of the new season of The Kardashians.
Proving that the Kardashians are forever and always inescapable, a teaser for Season 2 of The Kardashians was just released. And, no, you’re not mistaken. It’s been actual days (OK, a few weeks) since the Season 1 finale aired.
Hold your tomatoes. The Kardashians coming back for Season 2 is a good thing. Really! There are plenty of things in Hulu’s new teaser trailer that weren’t present in the reality royalty’s mystifying first season: new hair colors, new boyfriends, and new state-of-the-art face filters. And that’s just a start.
The trailer for Season 2 opens with Kourtney Kardashian’s signature vocal fry lulling the audience into a deep trance, “We’re back, in case you missed us.” We never even had a chance, as the finale of Season 1 quite literally aired just three weeks ago. But The Kardashian family doesn’t operate by traditional laws of space and time. They transcended that need when they signed on the dotted line with Ryan Seacrest 15 years ago.
For the uninitiated, seasons of Keeping Up with The Kardashians operated on the same wackadoo schedule: Film for a few months, break for a month while the season starts airing, and then pick the cameras right back up again. It’s how they managed to get 20 seasons in 14 long years, and how I’m still playing catchup even after removing ads from the equation by blowing my retirement fund on a top-tier Hulu subscription.
But it’s also the key to their empire. The Kardashians helped to revolutionize the production style of reality television by always having a camera on someone, somewhere, at all times. It’s what kept viewers coming back, as they could see things play out in front of the camera not too long after they were splashed across the tabloids.
After their tepid first season, which refused to do more than SKIM (sorry, couldn’t resist) the surface of any big headline drama, it looks like the Kardashians are ready to open up to audiences more. Chapter Two of this great American saga will dive into all of the things that were left hanging at the end of last season: Kim finally admits to dating Pete Davidson, Khloe continues to Kontend with Tristan Thompson’s cheating admissions, and Kylie will return from her mysterious disappearance on the editing room floor after last year’s Astroworld tragedy.
Yes, you read that right, the soft launch is over and the boyfriend reveal is here! We can finally feast our eyes on that six-foot-whatever charmer, Pete Davidson.
“I have a new boyfriend, and I’m just having a really good time,” Kim says in a confessional, wearing a black turtleneck so matched to her hair tone that she floats in space like Madame Leota in The Haunted Mansion. In another brief glimpse, Kim asks Pete if he’ll take a quick shower with her after the MET Ball, to which he responds by throwing his phone and belongings on the floor and flocking to her. He’s the exact kind of unscriptable goofiness the show could desperately use.
Elsewhere in Calabasas, the Kardashians are preparing for Kourt. Not, Kourtney Kardashian, but the United States Court System, specifically their lawsuit with Black Chyna, who sued the family for over $100 million in damages, citing defamation. The case may have been tried already, but the internal courtroom drama is largely unknown. Whatever Kardashified spin the show puts on it is sure to be enthralling.
And, oh yeah, remember that little, tiny, nanoscopic controversy about Kim Kardashian wearing Marilyn Monroe’s dress to the MET Gala? That’ll be covered in Season 2 as well. Here’s to the story that will continue to be dragged out longer than Marilyn Monroe’s barbiturate ballad for John F. Kennedy!
Still, as much as people may try to negate their watchability and value, the first season of The Kardashians was a huge hit for Hulu, so it stands to assume that Season 2 will do just as well with even more intimate family secrets to be (sort of) revealed. Either way, we could get a Pete Davidson shower scene. That’s worth a brain cell or two!
Season 2 of The Kardashians premieres September 22 on Hulu.
