Culture

Thomas Markle Threatens Meghan Markle With Monthly Interviews to Make Her Start Loving Him Again

LOVE YOU, HONEY

An unusual tactic to win someone’s affection is to threaten them with anything, especially the very thing they have asked you to stop doing; media interviews.

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Thomas Markle went on British TV on Monday morning and lifted the lid on a novel strategy he has developed as part of his quest to be reconciled with his daughter: Giving a media interview every 30 days until she speaks with him.

Given that this naked threat to pour humiliation and bile on his daughter, whom he professes to love, appears unlikely to motivate Meghan to lift the phone, this raises the existential question of who will get bored of the bitter ravings of Thomas Markle first: him, the viewers, the executives signing the checks, or Piers Morgan, Britain’s Meghan-baiter in chief who has become his favored confessor and conducted today's effort.

The live TV interview this morning came after a 90-minute documentary Markle recorded with British TV network Channel 5.

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In the interview this morning, Markle ran through many of the grievances mentioned in that program, while adding his new threat, saying, “After this interview, if I don’t hear from someone in 30 days then I will try again. I don’t want to sit in silence in my living room for the rest of my life waiting for someone to get back to me.”

While it seems unlikely that anyone except increasingly unenthusiastic journalists and TV producers will be ringing his condo in Mexico, Markle appears to remain convinced that he holds some leverage over the couple, telling Prince Harry: “Man up and fly down and see me and we will talk… I feel he can still reach out to me, they are making this a big drama for the world every day, it’s a family problem and should be solved as a family problem.”

Markle appears to have found a natural conversant and kindred spirit in Piers Morgan, apparently agreeing with all of Morgan’s well-known views about his daughter.

Was British coverage of Meghan racist? No.

Was the couple’s use of private jets hypocritical? Yes.

Are Meghan and Harry an embarrassment to Queen and country? Absolutely.

Asked about the possibility of meeting Meghan and Harry in court as part of her legal action against Associated Newspapers, owner of the Mail on Sunday (Meghan is suing the newspaper for publishing a personal letter she sent to him in August 2018) Mr. Markle said: “If it comes to meeting them in a courtroom, that’s great. At least I’d finally get to see them.”

He went on to say he did not want a “battle.”

Markle has already agreed to be a witness and pledged to expose what he said were lies about him.

Asked what he would say to Meghan if she was watching the show this morning, he said he would tell her: “I love you, let’s sit down and work this out.”

Well-briefed observers of this sorry saga can’t help but be reminded of Meghan’s simple request in the letter she wrote him about his media campaigns: “If you love me, as you tell the press you do, please stop.”