I am the daughter of a Lebanese immigrant. My father came to this country as a young teenager in 1952. I grew up surrounded by Arab culture. I have a deep connection to my heritage and I am extremely proud of it.
Like so many grappling with the unfolding crisis in the Middle East, I too have a million thoughts and emotions on the subject. And for better or worse, I also happen to have what some may consider to be a sizable following on social media.
But here’s the thing—I don’t feel like any of that requires me to go out there trying to look like I’m in a position to “educate” others on which “side to take” when I’m not. It doesn’t require me to act like an “expert” when I’m not. And I truly can’t comprehend why any celebrity or “influencer” WOULD feel compelled to publicly “take a side” or an extreme position on what is happening in Israel and Gaza.
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I don’t understand why someone best known for a role they played on a TV show—or for having 1 million-plus followers on a social media platform—needs their fans to believe they know exactly what they’re talking about on one of the most emotionally fraught, complex, and eternally unsolvable geopolitical crises of our time.
I’m looking around at the increasingly vocal and hostile antisemitic and anti-Arab rhetoric all over the place, from college campuses to the streets of New York City. I’m left wishing that the people who aren’t sufficiently educated on the topic to be expected to influence anyone else would spend more time listening, more time learning, and less time shaping the opinions of others who—for reasons I don’t pretend to understand—look to them for guidance on issues like these.
And I really don’t get why anyone in the world would demand that their favorite basketball player, model, or Tik Tok dancer go public with which “side” they’re on, or shame them into taking one because it’s somehow their responsibility to let everyone know where they stand on an issue of which they never previously claimed to be an authoritative voice.
Because what happens, as a result, is a whole bunch of folks who made a name for themselves influencing eyeshadow trends end up pushing dangerously ill-informed opinions, which then get passed around and accepted as fact, when they’re anything but.
I have incredibly intense feelings about what Hamas did to the innocent people of Israel on Oct. 7, and I have equally intense feelings about what has been done to the innocent people of Gaza in the many days since.
I have been haunted by the images of blood-stained baby cribs in Israel, and I have been haunted by the images of lifeless Palestinian children buried under the rubble of a bombed building.
I have deeply profound feelings about all of the atrocities that have been committed. All the innocent life lost. I have feelings about the Jewish communities all over the world and right here at home, fearing for their lives while grieving their loved ones. I have an equally profound emotional response, as an Arab myself, when I think about Palestinians and Arabs all over the world and right here at home, fearing for their lives, while many also grieve their loved ones.
Relatives of the people killed in the attack on the Kibbutz of Nir Oz, hug each other.
Getty ImagesI have feelings, because I am a human being capable of empathy. Like lots of people watching this brutal war unfold, I have opinions on the subject.
But here’s what I also know—I am not an expert on the Middle East. I am not a historian. I am not an authority on foreign policy.
I know that this region of the world has a long, complicated, and nuanced history of conflict. I know that there are myriad reasons for that unending tumult. I know that what transpired on Oct. 7 didn’t take place in a vacuum. I know that it was the culmination of many multi-layered factors that have played out over the course of time.
But I don’t pretend to know what I don’t know, and I refuse to pretend that I know everything I should know.
I know enough to understand I shouldn’t be trying to convince anyone else to share MY opinions on the intricacies of the subject. That would be irresponsible and frankly, harmful—even reckless of me.
It’s one thing to say how you feel, it’s another to demand that others agree with you.
A man sits among the rubble of buildings destroyed in an Israeli airstrike in the southern Gaza Strip city of Rafah.
Khaled Omar/Xinhua via Getty ImagesI want to focus my heart and mind on the toll all of this is taking on humanity, on the innocent human beings tethered to this crisis not of their own making, on the children who have no say in the constant violence, bloodshed, sadness, and fear that is their shared reality.
On Oct. 7, Hamas militants carried out a deadly attack against Israel, in which 1,400 people were killed and an estimated 240 people were taken hostage. The deadliest day for Jews since the Holocaust.
In the immediate wake of the onslaught, the stories began to emerge. Stories of unspeakable horror. Unimaginable barbarism. Atrocities so savage that it’s been incredibly difficult for many of the journalists covering the story to articulate an accurate description of them without having to stop—either to hold back the tears or the nausea.
You don’t have to be an expert on the Middle East to feel something when you hear the recounting of how Hamas tossed grenades into bomb shelters packed with young festival-goers huddled together. You don’t have to understand the history of the conflict to have an emotional response to the pleas of an American mother asking the leaders of Hamas to tell her if her son—who had his arm blown off in one of those bomb shelters and was then taken hostage—is getting medical care while in their custody.
Israel has responded to the brutal invasion of their country with military force. They have relentlessly bombarded Gaza. Upwards of 10,000 Palestinians have died as a result.
You don’t need to be an authority on the history of Palestine to feel sick and sad when you see the images of Palestinian women wailing over the bodies of their lifeless babies covered in the dust of the rubble they were buried under. You don’t need a PhD in global affairs to understand that so many of the children of Gaza have lost everything. They have lost their homes and family members. They have no food, no water, no shelter, if they have survived at all. Innocent children robbed of their youth, contending with the untold burdens of war no young soul should bear.
Atrocities do not excuse further atrocity. If we can agree on nothing else, I hope we can agree on that. But, at least for now, we can’t.
This is clearly an incredibly complicated and emotional issue. It’s simply not helpful for anyone who isn’t well-versed on the intricacies of this situation to choose an extreme position—and then press others to share that position with them.
The world is already so deeply divided. This country itself is already a tinderbox, the slightest breeze away from erupting into an inferno. When those who aren’t educated on these issues pour gasoline on the kindling, and implore others to strike a match, the inevitable result is violence, destruction, and pain.
The result is a 6-year-old boy named Wadea in Chicago, stabbed 26 times by his landlord. Why? Because he was Palestinian. An elderly landlord who only weeks before had constructed a treehouse for the boy, was so consumed with rage in the wake of Oct. 7, so blinded by hate, that he was able to stab a beautiful little boy 26 times.
The result is a 69-year-old Jewish man in California named Paul Kessler who died in what is being called a homicide, while counter-protesting pro-Palestinian demonstrators. An altercation with the opposing side took place, and Kessler was knocked to the ground, causing the fatal injury to his skull that ended his life.
The result is bomb threats to synagogues, and physical assaults on elderly Jewish men protecting posters of Israeli hostages taped to lamp posts.
Counter-protesters hold an Israeli flag across the street from the main pro-Palestinian protest before a march through Midtown Manhattan during a protest calling for a ceasefire between Israel and Hamas.
Pacific Press via Getty ImagesThe result is a cake maker putting up signs on their bakery windows declaring “no Arabs will be served,” and all Palestinians being referred to as “terrorists” by pundits, politicos, and on the floor of the United States House of Representatives.
When an arsonist doesn’t understand how fire works—how to control, maintain or extinguish the flames they have set—much more than the pyre they built ultimately burns down.
And that’s what is happening all over the world right now.
While I understand this is indeed a situation which triggers a full spectrum of physical and emotional responses, and I appreciate that many (if not all) of those reactions are valid, I do not believe that woefully uninformed celebs and TikTok stars putting a thumb on the scale of one “side” of an issue (that is not, in fact, a binary choice between Israel and Palestine) makes anything better.
It makes everything worse. It spreads misinformation. It divides further. It emboldens and encourages hate. It inspires and ignites violence.
For my part, I won’t impose my “side” on others.
When it comes to this specific issue, much of what informs my thoughts and feelings stem from the fact that I’m a mom—and motherhood has had a profound impact on the way I see the world. It has helped me focus on our shared humanity in moments of conflict and confusion. It compels me to want to listen to those who truly understand this conflict and to do my best to understand, as well It focuses my thoughts on feeling compassion for the innocent lives impacted on every side of this terrible war and on helping them in their times of need.
And if I have any influence on anyone in this world who didn’t come out of my womb, I would ask that we all try to find our own humanity in this moment. And to resist the urges of forcing people to choose “sides.”
Antisemitism is wrong. Islamophobia is wrong. The murder of any innocent life is wrong. I fundamentally believe that. This is what’s in my heart, so I know it’s accurate.
I’ve personally been asked by one or two of my Arab friends to disavow Israel, I’ve been asked by one or two of my Jewish friends to disavow all of Palestine, and I’ve even been asked to disavow President Biden.
I won’t do any of that. Because my words have to reflect both what I believe and what I understand to be truly accurate. And when it comes to this historically delicate issue, I’m not going to add a drop of fuel to a blaze that is already raging.
And that means that I’m going to continue to listen, I’m going to continue to learn, and I’m going to continue to focus my energy on the innocent human beings impacted by all of this, but I will not ever pretend to be an expert on the war between Israel and Hamas.
And, frankly, no one should ever pretend to be one.
